The joke’s not funny if I have to explain it, even though I ought to.
I.
The Duke Doclear presented Master Connorfucius with a predicament:
His tenants demanded higher wages for less work, but the Duke could not oblige
without subtracting from his own savings.
The Master pondered his tone, and came to this solution:
“Not all good choices feel good.”
The Duke Doclear proposed every sort of excuse to circumvent the inevitable
shortchanging, to which the Master replied:
“When in Rome, agree to disagree.”
II.
The revered Connorfucius, during one of his many
many strolls at Dawn, witnessed a man named Zit
grab a woman’s rear.
The woman laughed at this friendly groping, but the Master did not.
When asked why, the delinquent waved it off as nothing more than a joke.
Connorfucius warned him,
“Don’t treat life as a joke, lest you be unprepared for the punchline.”
Zit shoved the wise one and told him to screw off,
for funny is in the eyes of the beholder.
The Master responded
by spreading wide his fingers
and jabbing them deep into Zit’s eyes
to unearth whatever was funny in them.
III.
Connorfucius was taking one of his famous dawn walks
until he found his path led atop the Great Wall of China.
Beneath him, separated by stone,
two women were arguing with each other
over the best way to prepare chao má shi.
The wise wanderer, annoyed by their shrill voices, proclaimed:
“No matter how intelligently or passionately
you talk to a wall, it cannot understand you.”
The women argued for another thirty minutes before finally asking the Master
to test plate-after-plate of their specially-prepared recipes.
Upon being stuffed beyond the belt, the wise Connorfucius judged so:
“A fast fool is quicker forgiven than a dallying dimwit.”
He parted from them, full and happy.
IV.
A young writer beseeched the esteemed Connorfucius
for advice on how he felt she should write
a novel, since she did not feel she could find the best direction herself.
Our humble Master shook his head:
“Not once has the correct conclusion been thought, but always felt.”
The young writer pressed him further, not understanding his wisdom,
and so the sage one imparted thus:
“Write in a way that captivates yourself, and you will surely captivate others.”
The next time they met, Connorfucius graciously stooped
on the curb to place a coin in her cup,
and thought all the more highly of himself.
Morning's Early Dark 