216. Lazy Bones

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When the loins of my mother met the groin of my father,
The egg inside her just couldn’t be bothered.
You could say I was lazy before I was born,
Like the sun in the evenin’ or the moon in the morn’.
You could say I’m just tired from staying up late
Though I turn in at six to wake up at eight.
You could say my mind’s stuck in another timezone,
But the truth of the matter’s I’ve got lazy bones.

Every time I walk the dog,
They’re pulling me down –
Every time I drive through fog,
Feel them weigh upon my crown –
Every time I write my blog
I’m draggin’ the ground –
I’m not a jerk, just overworked
To move these lazy bones.

I searched for a wife to hasten my step
But she realized to do so would be such a shlep
I hoped that her love would make my pounds lighter
But her nagging divided my movements to spite her;
The chores are unfinished, the house is a wreck
With my body laid low by impatient hen-pecks
Our love-making only makes snores from her groans
As I rock her to sleep with my slow lazy bones.

Every day of every week
They’re pulling me down –
Every word I try to speak,
Feel them weigh upon my crown –
Every time she calls me “Bum”
For draggin’ the ground.
I’m not so weak, just born a freak
Cursed with these lazy bones.

I passed on my genetics, my wife her hormones
Since my children all seem like they’ve got lazy bones
Yet blame it on others that they are so slow –
A symptom my sluggish skeleton never shows –
Complaining the world wants to keep them subdued,
That being set up for failure is why they’re so rude,
They spend all their time making friends in their phones
While I spend all our earnings on their lazy bones.

Whose fault is it we’re born like this?
No one’s, I suppose.
But why can’t we seem to shake
These awful lazy bones?
I saw them in my Father, he saw them in his Mom –
If we closed our eyes would we consider it more wrong
To fall prey to lazy bones and waste our lives away?
I cannot say, ‘cause every day
My eyes grow more accustomed –
It’s just humanity.

The relaxed life is gravity –
Just pulling us down.
Profound thoughts inside our heads
Feel like weight upon our crowns –
Earth seems far too cruel a place
Unless we’re draggin’ the ground.
It’s our excuse, the only use
For stuffing our skins with Lazy Bones.

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