A comedy I am watching –
The family kind, moreso –
And I must say I’m laughing hard,
Which only brings me woe.
All alone in my apartment
This might be no big deal –
But the minute that he comes,
The distraction’s set in steel.
There’s nothing I despise
More than unprecedented Wood;
He pops up more often than not
Which is far more often than he should.
I’d like to know where I got this boner,
I say:
“Wherefore hail thy stoner demeanor?”
Offended as usual, and quickly taut,
It replies:
“How should I know, you perky twat?”
“Could it be from cotton rubbing your crotch?
Or the sudden effects of five cups of scotch?
Might be from the jittering of your car
Or even the pressure of bunk on my bar.
You get aroused so easily
That it’s almost most likely to be
Nothing at all but the nudes in your head
Or passing the women you’d like in your bed –
At least hearing their voices all from afar
Is enough to count me shot for the stars.
Though I don’t know what ails you,
I am sure of this truth, son:
A thousand things have set me off,
But sex certainly ain’t one.”
Morning's Early Dark 