Don Pigeón


The forest of Hatuga sees death and rebirth on a daily basis. Fires burn down forests so that new trees may grow; floods wash away old sediment to make clear what was once buried; predators eat prey so that the new generation made be heard. Each time this occurs, it is taking what has come before, and improving on it with something new or refreshed. Nothing of consequence is lost, only refocused into a natural working order. Civilization is founded on this fundamental cycle of life and death. It never ends, but is perpetually feeding into itself; expanding outwards, never changing direction.

Only once, in all of Hatuga’s history, did this cycle actually reset.

It began, as most stories do, with a tragedy in the most widespread flock in the forest. Don Pigeón was a bird of no ambition, in the most normal way possible. He took for granted the seed that was given to him, and was comfortable in his day-to-day flocking from bath to perch to town to perch again. There was routine to his life, there was community to his life, there was no reason to change what he did and how he did it whatsoever. He was a family fowl.

One Winter, as his flock was preparing to migrate South to more tepid climates, it was determined that his beloved Grán Pigeón was now too old to make the journey. All the best arrangements were made for her, to remain warm and well-supplied while the rest of the casa was away. This was not an abnormal occurrence, and the protocols had been reliably compiled over the years by expert pigeons who were also deemed too weak to escape the clutches of Winter. So Don Pigeón gave his dear sweet nonna a peck on the cheeks, that bird who had done nothing short of provide emotional encouragement throughout his entire life so that an existence without ambitions was digestible, and bid her farewell.

The next time Don Pigeón saw his nonna, she was laid out before him on a bed of birdseed, but far away in the realm of Death. While the flock was gone, there were complications with supplies – a disease that not only rotted the food they had stocked up, but also the inside of Grán Pigeón’s feeble stomach. He perched before her, furious at fate that had decreed him powerless in the face of natural cycles.

That event was the catalyst for the first ever stroke of ambition to enter Don Pigeón’s brain. His question: Must we remain so powerless? His answer: no. He did not have a solution in mind quite yet, but he wouldn’t stand for this unfair, illogical, depressing reality. The unknown did not hinder his determination, but had, in fact, given him a hint in Grán Pigeón’s passing. No more taking for granted what could be snatched away in a second – No more strutting about in aimless abandon – No more lounging in baths, cooing with neighbors, ruffling feathers without a care in the world.

This was his world. And, for the first time since he was cursed with ambition, he cared.

The hint Death had given Don Pigeón as to his first step was to find a solution that might have prevented Grán Pigeón’s expiration. Disease was nothing new. But it wasn’t so much the disease that was problem as was the fact that nobody knew what she was going through. There was no way to check up on her, to make sure she was doing all right, and no way to send her what she needed. Food, medicine, anything that could keep her alive, there was no way to get it to her. Therein was the first answer to Don Pigeón’s question revealed.

In less than a month, the first Pigeon Parcel Service Center was constructed. It was a rudimentary setup in a cramped nest that Don Pigeón founded with a few of the cousins who were also hit hardest by Grán Pigeón’s passing. For another month, the only thing that was leaving the center was hope – no one had any mail they wanted to deliver clear across Hatuga. The cousins left, one by one, until only Don Pigeón remained. But he remained steadfast, for he knew, if he had the possibility of feeling this hopeless, so at least one other Hatugan out there must feel the same as he.

And there was. Weasel had seen one of his daughters run off with a Stoat, when he had been openly explicitly averse to the arrangement. Now, he resented his actions, and wanted desperately to be part of whatever family his daughter made. Don Pigeón, pledging his devotion to delivering this sentiment, took Weasel’s letter and set off immediately where he was directed. For two full days he traveled nonstop, until he landed on the doorstep of their makeshift burrow. The multitude of reactions that slowly spread across the features of the Weasel’s daughter as she read the letter touched him – it was a reward he had not expected. As was the gift she offered out of the goodness of her heart for his kind deed: a basket of nuts that grew only in that isolated part of the forest, deep underground at that. With his heart and belly full, and a positive reply for the Weasel in his claws, Don Pigeón finally felt like his dream was on its way to fruition.

And it was, for word of mouth spread among the large and the small, amongst all species, that Don Pigeón was the bird to ask for if one wanted to get in touch with any other part of Hatuga. He would fly miles and miles for you, so that you could reach out to loved ones beyond reach. It was amazing how many in that forest had drifted apart – or were just curious about their neighbors, penning no one in particular just so they could learn more about their home.

Gradually, to Don Pigeón’s delight, his family began to return to the roost. Not to congratulate him, or to join him as employees, but to help him take control of the delivery machine he was building. Don Pigeón was taking minimal fees, fees that did not justify the time and lengths for which he was flying all over Kingdom Come. Now, with a rate in place, there were more than sentimental reasons to make the trip; the Pigeón family began accumulating all sorts of rare materials and resources, normally isolated to one region or another, gradually gathered at the Pigeon Parcel Service Center (or PPSC for short).

As he accumulated goods and goodwill, so did Don Pigeón gather the nature of nature. He became the confidant of rumors all around the jungle – not by choice at first, mind you, for some people will spill their guts to just about any random stranger who would listen. And Don Pigeón and his family were very good listeners. With the Don, it began from a place of empathy. Slowly, steadily, empathy changed to interest. And interest in truth, like in finance, compounds in the knowledge bank of Pigeón. The Don knew this as a useful tool right away…But for what? He did not have the answer, for his heart had yet to reach that level of corruption.

What it informed firstly, was Don Pigeón’s sympathy for what made life difficult for certain Hatugans. Whether they were lacking in defenses against the natural elements, or a certain confidence in the natural evolution of their species, or a shortage of natural resources, Don Pigeón employed a number of his brightest minds to brainstorm and blueprint what could be done about the problems plaguing their ecosystem. 

But the other pigeons did not have the giving heart their Don was gifted with. They became cognizant of dormant dreams of their own, things that would never come to fruition if they remained employed in the PPSC. This was Hatuga, however – there was no reason for any Hatugan to be employed! But they could not resist the exotic imports dropped on their doorstep, and the traveling that took them to lands they’d only imagined but now had a reason to experience. The easy solution for them, would be to pressure Don Pigeón for concessions. He was the generous sort, and they knew he could never deny his family.

In order to afford such concessions, Don Pigeón expanded his outfit. Other birds had been pining to get their knock-knees through the doorway, but Don Pigeón had kept them at bay through reputation, for the sake of reputation. Monopolizing the delivery service industry ensured that everything remained under his control, for the sake of the customer, but it was becoming harder and harder to control what he could not see.

So he made concessions. To his family, his own employees, he assured raises all around. To independent delivery outfits, he allowed the opportunity to stake a claim in the industry, with one caveat: their new businesses would operate as extended branches of his own. In this diplomatic way, Don Pigeón satisfied both his allies and his opponents, while also expanding the reach of his services.

But there was one very subtle advantage that only Don Pigeón was immediately conscious of. In order to afford raises to his workers, Don Pigeón knew it was necessary for competing brands to exist. He did not put his name on these new branches, the 1-Day Shipping from Falcons, the Heavy Cargo Shipping from Condors, the Penguin’s Aquatic Shipping. Instead, he encouraged healthy competition, the illusion that all of these outfits were not owned and controlled by him (they were, of course). And, where there is competition, there is competitive pricing; already addicted to widespread interconnection, the residents of Hatuga were all too happy to pay more and more, over the course of months, to retain the new boundaries that Don Pigeón had pushed back for them. And, with the loyalties of these “rival companies,” Don Pigeón ensured that any new aspiring entrepreneurs could be quashed before they even got started.

Progress moved swiftly. Don Pigeón now had his toes all over the North, West, South, and East of Hatuga, while the central branch controlled everything discreetly. Confident he had garnered enough influence and importance in the lives of his fellow Hatugans, the Don began the next step in his goal to diminish the struggles of his fellow countrymen: the implementation of industry.

Crippled in a hunting accident? We can supply you a leg, or a rudimentary vehicle that runs on the wind. Elements too strong for your natural defenses? We can build you a house. Got an allergy, a sickness, a wound? We have chemicals to put an end to that. Any aspect of life that brought fear or insecurity to a Hatugan, Don Pigeón sought to eliminate it – to control it. It was for the benefit of all of Hatuga that he would make life more liveable, and less fearful. To do that, he would need to bring together specialists, those who had only pursued certain fields for hobby or evolutionary inclination, and put them on his ever-expanding payroll. And Hatugans, welcome to any change that made their lives convenient, only saw this carefully regulated industrialization as Nature in action. After all, growth is in the trees, in the waters, in their very genes; so what is so unnatural about growing civilization like this?

But for all his benevolence towards those investing in the bright new Hatuga of his dreams, there was still one citizen he could not bring himself to tolerate: Sloths. The Sloths partook of industry as much as any other Hatugan, no greater and no less, but their slow speed and general laziness dictated that they only consume, and not contribute. Dictated? No, Don Pigeón would not be dictated to by a bunch of ungrateful Sloths. If they wished to be part of his brave new world of technological and sociological innovation, they would need to give up some part of themselves, as all Hatugans had – time, money, or expertise, it did not matter. What would be required to encourage them?

The parcel service had become so overburdened, that some of Don Pigeón’s Octopus scientists had been working on a way to relieve the burden when it came to written mail or messages. They had created a device that would broadcast soundwaves, but it relied on tether points to extend their scope. Don Pigeón did not need a second explanation. Gathering the full might of his construction crews from all directions, radio towers were erected almost overnight, and enough devices were manufactured to be sold the next week. There were two frequencies with thousands of channels: one that allowed private calls for personal messages between Hatugans, and another for broadcasting entertaining discussions on life, philosophy, and current events. So, not only was the burden on his work forces lightened, but he now had a way to bring those pesky Sloths to see the light – whether by encouraging participation in community and culture, defining what it is to be a good Hatugan, or just flat-out insulting Sloths as a species in general. He let the intellectuals have their fun, their experiments, sure – but these were his radio waves, and he would ensure that only what was best for Hatuga was given credence as truth. Such was his responsibility as head of the family.

But the Don could not have foreseen how his messaging took a life of its own beyond the radiowaves. Some Hatugans sympathized with the sloths. They didn’t mind contributing to enjoy conveniences, but the sheer volume of sacrifices they made did not equal what they were receiving in return. Ths was especially true of the primates, whose opposable thumbs were invaluable for low-reward, low-prestige, purely physical technical roles, especially when building machines.

Others became increasingly aware of how, no matter where they turned, the philosophies of whoever owned these radio channels (for Don Pigeón was too humble to attribute all the societal changes to himself alone) were being forced down into their ears relentlessly, and with very aggressive language. Not only that, but a new type of building was on the rise, literally – skyscrapers, stuffed to the brim with either low-import, high-reward communication experts in the case of the business districts, or with families and herds of varying species in the residential districts (many of which did not naturally get along). And the trees! The number of trees that had to be removed to make space, especially as more and more species migrated to territories not their own, convoluting food chains and complicating ecosystems. 

Whoever was making all these changes couldn’t see the trees for the forest, so focused on the big picture that they overlooked all the little threads coming undone across their canvas. But it was painted nonetheless, and the thousand words had come home to nest – specifically those decrying, denouncing, and demonizing Sloths.

Language on the radiowaves had shifted from a subtle reinforcement of “Hatugan values” to calling out Sloths directly by Genus. Some Hatugans, whether they were pro or anti progress, began to lash out at Sloths as an easy and slow-moving target for venting their frustrations. The Sloths continued whatever they had been doing, calling out their oppression, but otherwise so set in their ways that they knew they could not adapt. Hatugans began demanding action, and, for the first time in the forest’s collective history, they elected a democratic council to help guide their newfound nation towards a better state of being.

Not long after the election, a disease broke out among the Sloths. No scientist could truly nail down the source with factual evidence, but it was widely determined to be the result of a fruit that was not native to their territory, suddenly introduced and producing spores that the Sloth immunity was not adapted to. Those that were not killed off by this contagion were administered a drug meant to reduce the inflammation caused – sadly it only saved a fraction. A fraction which, through policy enforcing a quarantine on the Sloths and those who retained close connections or fraternization to their species, crowding them into absolutely horrendous and sickly living conditions, reduced the total population of Sloths in Hatuga to one-hundred percent extinct.

The tragedy was touted as “not wholly undeserved, and a necessary sacrifice for the betterment and optimization of Hatugan society.” Such was the exact phrase with identical wording touted on every audible radio channel. Some Hatugans bought into it; others did not. They no longer trusted the radio, or their makeshift government, or their collective culture rapidly dissolving their individual identities, or even their very neighbor. Heck, the recent disease that erased the Sloths even made them question if all this progress was even a good idea to begin with! The climate, so fired up with electricity and polarity, finally burst into a hundred sparks of individual rebellions, revolutions, acts of dissent. Sparks that erupted with an all-out war.

It was the first, and only, Civil War Hatuga would ever see.

Carnage knew no bounds. From North to South, East to West, sea to sky, and even underground – Hatuga was evenly split between those who were Hell-bent on tearing down these monuments of progress and idols of civilization, and those who would kill to protect them. Both sides were evenly matched, not in numbers, but in power – for a majority of the primates, skilled in building machines, manufactured terrible contraptions that dealt destruction enough for the forces they lacked. The land was rendered infertile, collapsing skyscrapers wiped out whole communities, and months of progress were deleted in a few days. Knowing that it was do-or-die, that neither side could withstand such unrestrained conflict for long, the main forces parlayed for a treaty – they would meet for a great battle on Mount Gula, and the winner would determine the fate of Hatuga.

It was all a farce. No matter which side reigned victorious, there was only one true winner, and determiner of Hatuga’s fate. His name: Don Pigeón.

 Don Pigeón knew that this war was inevitable. The greed of his cousins all those years ago proved to him that only he had the goodness of heart to put Hatuga’s needs before his own. He had already determined a solution for every outcome, each one with the forest’s best interests at heart. And, as he soared above the opposing sides as they marched off to battle, scaling both sides of the ridged crests across Mount Gula’s back, he felt a feeling he had never acknowledged before – but had felt many times in the past. It was a feeling of fullness. Every aspect of Hatugan life, from identity to mobility to communicability to malleability, was actively and currently being controlled by him. He was a force of Nature, one that had brought Nature’s order to heel. That feeling of fullness…It was because he had accomplished this, and only he. He had fought against Death, the same Death that had robbed him of his nonna. While he hadn’t yet defeated Death, he had indeed conquered life. Don Pigeón, Master of Life! He was a god.

Don Pigeón circled overhead as the first wave clashed, a buzzard to the dreams and futures of so many Hatugans. Given the voracity of the bloodshed and the spirit of the fighters, he calculated that the side opposing his regime would be victorious within the next hour. But it was no matter – he had his talons in their ways of living, so modernized and civilized they had become, that the next generation would surely forget the atrocities of their ancestors and turn a blind eye to suspicion. He had monitored their private calls, owning their methods of communication, and so knew how to get inside their heads or blackmail the members of whatever new government might from the bloodshed. He would win their trust, with a delicate touch and deliberate messaging, and create an even better way of life for Hatuga.

Don Pigeón was right about one thing: how easy it is for a single generation to forget the objective circumstances recorded about their history. Since the state of Hatuga controlled the radiowaves, advocating for one culture under Pigeon, many fables had been lost to public knowledge. If they had not been, perhaps the factions raging against one another might have done so more quietly, or chosen a different location altogether. Mount Gula was named specifically for an old legend, one that had been told to scare little Hatugans into not biting off more than they ought to chew – which the current society certainly had. A Hatugan herself, one that had grown so large that, like Don Pigeón with his totalitarian grip on the whole forest, she had become a force of Nature. A force of Nature that Hatuga had rendered dormant so that she did not devour everything, but now called forth to defend its lands and reset the cycle – to undo the damage Don Pigeón had done to all of Hatugakind.

The Hatugans in the midst of battle believed that they were being subjected to an earthquake, or that their instruments of war were so powerful that the very earth was caving in. Only Don Pigeón, high above the doomed combatants, could realize with fear that they had awoken a monster, longer and taller than the range feeding into Mount Gula. It rolled over on its spiked back, crushing both sides with falling rocks or its body shaking off the dregs of slumber as it shook off Hatugans to their deaths hundreds of feet below. In five minutes, the war was over. 

Don Pigeón, last survivor on that battlefield, was staring straight into the molten eyes of Puripu – The Gator of Impressive Girth.

But it was not Puripu who stared back, for her mind had long gone into the depths of dreamscapes. Her body, too, had become one with stone, dirt, trees, with a belly full of magma and teeth of steel. What Don Pigeón now beheld was the physical conjuration of Death, a Death Hatuga had summoned to reset the cycle and cleanse the forest. If devouring Don Pigeón was the solution, it was an easy fix. But that would accomplish nothing – he was the root of an infectious disease, one that had spread and darkened all corners of the map. So, turning its head, the Gator of Impressive Girth set about the task Hatuga had given it free reign to do: kill and eat.

For three whole days of nationwide terror, the Gator steamrolled through Hatuga without stopping. Entire cities were leveled, all skyscrapers toppled, all factories on fire. Radio towers crumpled into ruin and thousands of Hatugans were reduced to nothing by the Gator’s rampage. In the final hours of her nonstop destruction, she thrashed violently, shaking her body apart. The stone that formed her powerful body cracked, sending pieces flying into the last remnants of Don Pigeón’s short-lived world order, until all that was left were the reminders of his folly. Puripu finally collapsed into a landslide of rubble and igneous rock, a natural disaster that put both her and Don Pigeón’s tyranny to rest.

Don Pigeón’s extended family had remained in the PPSC to protect their assets and profits, and so were eliminated with all traces of that once humble and harmless delivery service. As for Don Pigeón, he lived on. Somewhere, beyond the mists of Western Hatuga, the once proud force of Nature had fled to escape the scrutiny of the survivors, the innocent and the guilty who would have to repair the damage he had done. No one could tell you the state of his heart in that moment, whether or not that well-meaning bird still existed within him and he removed himself for the good of Hatuga once again, or if the humiliation and inability to control any longer was too much for him to coexist alongside them all. But he had lost the war to conquer Hatuga herself – exile to the Unknown seemed appropriate.

There were many losses – but Hatuga knows what is best for itself. There was no other way to remove poisoned minds, a polluted culture, a corrupted character, than to reset the way of life and undo the progress and conveniences that Hatugans had accumulated for themselves. It was a period of great mourning, certainly, but the next generation were no longer destined to become Don Pigeón’s puppets, pets, or laborers. They would prioritize the family, doing what was best for their local communities as a whole instead of the whole of Hatuga, seek progress where it was necessary instead of for its own sake, and give up on all pretensions of conquering death and other sorrows that were beyond their power. Hatuga was Hatuga, once again and forevermore. As was natural – all things as they should be.


Everybody Wants to Be a Star


Hannah plucked a petal off the tip of her tongue. She must have been in such a hurry, some stray flower got stuck in her hair and pretended to be a trapeze artist until it lodged itself between her lips. She studied the purple petal, belonging to an overlooked hydrangea, and flicked it into the open toilet with disgust. After patting her flushed face with cold water and squeezing her skull back into the pink cat mascot head, she opened the door and strode cheerfully into the hotel room.

Hannah had to pat Jewel’s face a few times before her eyes fluttered open. She tried to fix the smudge Hannah made with her makeup, but that wasn’t possible with her wrists tied viciously tight to the armrests of the chair the rest of her body was likewise cruelly bound to. Hannah was taking no chances, smiling as she dragged another chair directly in front of her captive. Jewel smiled right back – not that she could see Hannah’s face behind that plushy cat grin.

“Hi,” Hannah ventured, testing the strength of Jewel’s consciousness.

“And who are you supposed to be,” ridiculed Jewel, “my biggest fan?”

“Not supposed to be. I am.”

“Then you should know you’re totally screwed by kidnapping me.”

“What? Think you’d be able to identify me to the cops?” Hannah teased, poking Jewel hard in the cheek. Jewel didn’t pull away, didn’t even flinch, but stared at Hannah with a toothy grin almost wider than the cat’s.

“The cops are the least of your concern.”

Hannah laughed. The modulator in the teeth of the mascot head made her voice sound like a cybernetic chipmunk. 

“My biggest concern was just getting you here. Seriously, I’m not going to hurt you. Of course I had to drug you, though, how else could I get an audience with you?”

“I don’t know. Get a ticket like everyone else.”

“Oh, come on,” Hannah groaned. “Your convention tickets aren’t just expensive, they also sell out in, like, thirty seconds! Crazy as it sounds, dragging you here was much easier.”

“It does sound crazy.”

“You know,” frowned Hannah, “your tone is really getting on my nerves.”

“Oh, I’m sooooo sorry,” the long o’s were accompanied by a synchronized eye roll from Jewel, “You just threw my whole schedule off and ruined all my pre-show prep work. But, here, I’ll try and accommodate you. You’re asking me to be faker than I already am?”

Hannah shook her head in a panic. “I did not call you fake! I never would!”

“Well, I am. Wipe off my makeup. Go on! You’ll see just how fake I am.”

“Are you sure…?” Hannah hesitated. She would do anything for her idol, but she wasn’t sure that de-masking her was something she wanted to be personally responsible for.

“You wanted to know my secrets, right? This is your chance to see the real Jewel.”

Hannah looked up into that wide-eyed grinning face. It was all a taunt, but she was flattered just to be loathed so much by her own idol. It meant that she meant something to her, no matter how negative.

“All right. Give me a second.”

Hannah sprang up and returned to the bathroom. She took off the mascot head again, and, no sooner was her head free, but she coughed up four petals this time.

“What the Hell…where are these coming from?”

But there was no time for that, her idol was waiting to have her request fulfilled. The popular influencer whose videos had inspired Hannah for three transformative years, from her highs to her lows. She had invested so much in her merchandise, her subscriptions, her songs, and now she was going to find out what made her so popular. A dream come true!

Hannah wetted the paper towels and returned to Jewel, who hadn’t moved one inch. She delicately placed one against Jewel’s face-all they did was smudge the makeup. She rubbed and rubbed and rubbed, but nothing happened.

But there was no time for that, her idol was waiting to have her request fulfilled. The popular influencer whose videos had inspired Hannah for three transformative years, from her highs to her lows. She had invested so much time, money, and obsession into her merchandise, her subscriptions, her songs, and now she was going to find out what made her so popular. A dream come true!

Hannah wetted the paper towels and returned to Jewel, who hadn’t moved one inch. She delicately placed one against Jewel’s face, but all they did was smudge the makeup. She rubbed and rubbed and rubbed – nothing happened.

“C’mon,” mocked Jewel. “You have to want it more than that.”

Hannah did. She wanted it more than anything! If not to learn Jewel’s secrets, then at least to be reassured that no one was as perfect as she pretended to be. Scrubscrubscrubscritchscratchscratch until, finally, the makeup began to peel off with streams of blood running down Jewel’s face.

“Thaaaaat’s it. Good job~”

Seeing that blood was a solvent, Hannah scratched harder and harder until blood was flowing freely, Jewel calmly coaxing her along all the while. As she stood back, ready to receive Jewel’s secret, she felt her throat swell up to tell her she wasn’t ready at all.

It was her. Jewel was her. Through all the blood and splotches of makeup and raw skin, Jewel looked exactly like Hannah. Worst of all…Jewel’s unfazed grin proved she knew all along.

“You know who I am, then? Yup. I’m you~”

“From…from the future?”  murmured Hannah, removing her mask since it was pointless now.

“In a way,” Jewel said softly. “From the future that will never be. I’m the you you could have been, if you didn’t just consume and consume and consume. I’m the you you wish you were. Making fun things, not to be remembered, but to be adored by the youth in your prime. But now your prime is passing. I am the proof.”

“How…?”

“How does not matter, it’s too late for a solution. I mean, can’t you feel them? Taking root?”

Hannah could feel them – had been for some time. She felt something deep in her lungs, weighing them down, slithering around and spreading in a way that didn’t fill them up, but made them heavy and hollow. Only when she felt the leathery skin of her lungs couldn’t drag any more against her ribs, like wet clothes on a washboard, did she feel her lungs start to fill up. It was not like water filling a balloon, but like feathers stuffing a pillow; some poking out here and there, leaving her gasping for air as they overflowed in the only direction left open: up.

Hannah hacked and coughed as sharp twigs scratched their way up her trachea, and a burst of purple petals popped out of her mouth, sticking against the blood now pouring in streams down Jewel’s smiling face.

“Ooooo, looks like you caught a case of the Hanahaki. Makes sense why they’re hydrangeas, too. A jealous, one-sided obsession. For the you you could have been, but know you will now never be!”

Jewel was laughing and choking as Hannah was strangling and choking. Neither could breathe, tracheas blocked by hands and flowers. Stems were sprouting uncontrollably, bulging Hannah’s trachea and smothering Jewel’s face. In her last conscious thought, Jewel clung desperately to her last hope. The hope that, once Jewel was gone, not only would the flowers stop – but Hannah could so easily take her place. Seize the attentions and affections she was certain she deserved, if only she had a chance and the inclination or ability to take it. This was her, finally taking it.

“Hanahaki! Hannah hacking! Hanahakihannahacking!” Jewel jeered, until the flowers found their way into her mouth as well and grew towards the darkness within. Every sickly stuffed gag intertwined them closer together under the cover of vines, the mirror images finally joined in what was and what could never be, what desired and what deserved. They clung for each other, one unable to exist without the other, until flower overpowered tissue, and their lungs burst. Both consumer and consummated, consumed by ravenous growth. Their only contribution to this world was fertilizing a violent violet infestation.

It took hotel management a full month to clear out the brambles. No one could find the source or the root of the sudden infestation of Hydrangeas that seemed to explode in a twisted formation from the center of Room 610. Every piece of furniture was overrun by that intertwined ball of vines, thicker than cables and sticker than sap. The oddest thing was, as they hacked and sliced to clear the room, was that the vines seemed to pulse, ever so softly – like a nervous system, attuned to a heartbeat. Two heartbeats, actually, for one root system beat within the pauses of the other.

There was also blood all over the petals, scraps of skin residue here and there, a jumbled mess of red, peach and violet. But no body was ever found. The only thing a forensics expert could determine, is that all DNA samples belonged to one missing girl. To her, or to the flowers themselves.


Deconstruction of an Otaku Person


There wasn’t much really to Hinata’s life. He would go to his part-time job in Akihabara, selling the same merchandise he himself loved to collect, come home to his small two-by-two tatami mat apartment, and venture into the waking hours of the morning on the paper wings of a manga or the flashing lights of a video game. He had a community online, but he only knew them by username, not by face, and had never truly known any of them before. He was clearly what Japanese society terms a N.E.E.T. That is, Not in Education, Employment, or Training. And he was fine with that.

Why bother to foster relationships, careers, hobbies that are just eaten up by time or expenses in the end? No, better to spend the time on things that, even if they let you down, still massage those basic nerves of pleasure, pumping blood from the heart that yearns for escape from reality. That was Hinata’s philosophy, in more artistic terms since he hadn’t a creative bone in his body. He was built to consume.

Another long day of peddling perverted paraphernalia had passed before he finally reached the part of his routine that brought him home. Home, to a little cupboard with a TV on the floor, a pile of blankets in front of it, and food garbage littered around it in an almost ritualistic circle. The majority of the box’s volume was taken up by shelves – a full display of various entertainment, from video games to anime to manga to, above all else as the residential idols, his beloved painted figurines.

These figurines weren’t your run-of-the-mill action figures. They were expensive, handcrafted works of art. They were also sexy, something that was absolutely required if Hinata could feel comfortable dropping 90,000 yen on just one statuette. He was turning thirty next week, which meant that he had accumulated one-hundred and twenty-two high-grade PVC and silicone anime girls over the 16 years he had been collecting. They were the wallpaper, from floor to ceiling, in their flowery dresses, stylish kimonos, tight or revealing clothing. Ninjas, Magical Girls, Mech Pilots, Demons, Space Assassins, Vampires, Bunny Girls, Angels, Knights, Militants, Beasts, Schoolgirls…He had one girl for every occupation, any occasion. The occasion being: what was the flavor of his pleasure today?

Today, Hinata had sold a figure he never thought he would sell. An otaku, a total loser and pervert, acknowledged as ugly in her own anime show, to some boy who had a very depressing look on his face. So depressing, that Hinata almost empathized with him. But he didn’t want to empathize; he would rather escape into a cheerful game with a cheerful girl by his side tonight. Perhaps a city simulator RPG of some kind? As for the girl, well, the selection was his favorite part.

After looking over his assortment of dolls, Hinata decided on one of the Magical Girls. She had brilliant pink hair that sparkled when the light hit it a certain way, and a detailed gold-dusted wand with intricate flourishes of clear plastic to imitate a magical effect. She was suspended in midair using the same plastic, which allowed her ruffled sleek pink dress to be crafted in a way that suggested she was performing some sort of impressive acrobatics. And, to top it all off: her smile. The perfect combination of painted eyes and mouth, making it appear like she was filled with wonder and excitement to be doing whatever it is magical girls do. He needed that kind of wonder in his jaded adult life. So he picked her up, delicately, careful not to snap any of her fragile accessories.

Not careful enough, however. One of the Magical Girl’s translucent flourishes hooked onto the curled tail of a Snow Leopard hybrid, pulling the Beast from its den and onto the floor where it promptly snapped in half.

“Shit,” said the Magical Girl.

Hinata’s eyes widened in disbelief. He would have dropped her from shock if she hadn’t set him back two months rent to acquire. 

The Magical Girl figurine immediately tried to correct her mistake by stiffening up. But the damage was done, and the room was too small for Hinata to suspect an intruder. He poked her curiously in the cheek, which set her into a laughing fit.

Hinata tripped with surprise into his pile of blankets as the other one-hundred and twenty-two figures lining his shelves let out a collective groan.

“Well, that’s just great. Couldn’t keep the giggles to yourself, huh?”

“Stupid Magical Girls, always so pent up from being in storylines too serious for them.”

“Hey, don’t blame her breaking character on all of us! That’s a harmful stereotype!”

“All your magic rot your brain, huh? Baka!”

The Magical Girl figure blushed angrily. “W-w-well I can’t help it, you saw what this idiot did to poor Nugleatonga!”

“Mrooooooowr…”

“Oh, good, she’s all right at least.”

Hinata’s head was spinning. At first, the scenario was frightful, as any scenario involving living dolls usually was. But he quickly realized that they were all rooted to the spot, fastened securely on their stands, only able to move their heads and change their expressions. They may be alive, but they couldn’t go anywhere. He owned them. They were his, to talk to and find comfort in, to bring him the pleasures that friends usually offer. He wouldn’t have to be alone ever again, or be alone with people who he thought weren’t worth being around. He now had a captive audience, to enjoy his company as he enjoyed the typical pleasures of his passing days.

Almost as if they read his mind, all heads turned in unison to face Hinata directly. An entire cage lined with painted eyes from every side, judging his silence.

“Do you know why,” sneered a Mech Pilot, reclining on a model of the cockpit belonging to her giant robot (parts not included), “we have never talked to you before? It is because, while you are at work or engaged in frivolous play, we have our own way of finding entertainment.”

“Every figure based off of a popular brand – say, a popular hero from an anime show – is consciously tied to that property” explained a Smutty Teacher, bent provocatively over a desk with her thin metal pointer poised under indecipherable text scribbled on a chalkboard. “So, while we may seem inanimate, we are actually tied directly to our counterpart’s experiences in their primary medium. Whatever plots she experiences in her story on the screen or the page, we are able to experience it constantly, as if for the first time. And let us assure you, it never gets boring.”

“You, on the other hand,” scoffed a Schoolgirl, her skirt blown up like a tease, arms crossed and cheeks delicately colored pink with scribbles over her nose to show embarrassment though her voice relayed nothing but disgust, “are soooooo boring! Gawd! Every night you do the same damn thing…come home, fall down in that heap of greasy rags, hammer your thumbs on the control or your hand on your dick, and pass out. It’s just…It’s freaking pathetic.”

Hinata colored in anger and humiliation. These figures of plastic and paint had seen him do all sorts of embarrassing activities, watch shameful entertainment, mope and sulk in his loneliness, and now they could criticize him for all of it! He wouldn’t stand for it. He would break each and every one of them, take off their clothes, bring them to such a position of lowness that they wouldn’t dare speak to him like some homeless addict in his own apartment.

“Whatever you’re thinking, perv,” muttered a Demon Girl with built-in stone horns and a velvet tail wrapped around thighs bigger than the rest, “Don’t think we haven’t seen it before. You’re upset for us judging you, but don’t seriously act like that doesn’t describe you to a T! You take a dead-end job that pays you just enough for terrible food and a crap place, so you can blow all your cash on stuff that gets your rocks off. No savings for a better life, no energy to try harder, no time to build relationships. You don’t play video games for a release, you do it to get off on the girl avatars. Don’t lie, we see you, creep! You’re not a fictional hero, or some intelligent creative soul who deserves better and is just misunderstood, or a skilled professional in anything at all. A loser. Just a damn loser is what you are.”

Hinata seethed, but his confidence in being a superior human among inferior plastics was starting to waver. He did not back down! He insisted upon his philosophy, his hedonism, his attachment to the pleasures of buying material things that give you exactly what you expect. Why would he change, when this life was predictably pleasurable?

The little cupboard apartment was filled with the loud derisive laughter of every single figurine. The cackling broke Hinata’s spirit: this was the exact kind of noise he desired to escape, that he never wanted to hear from real people and so retreated to the imaginary.

“You moron,” spat a Bunny Girl, tastelessly showing the backside of her tights while holding a champagne tray, glasses filled with a hardened gel substance, “Don’t you know the only thing you’re relying on are all those horny, good feelings that come from being young? What happens when you get past thirty, then past forty, and you can’t get it up and you get all tired, fat, and old? Then, when you can’t even realistically escape to where you want in this little sanctuary you’ve built, cause you can’t even keep up with your fantasies, you won’t get nowhere out there in the real world, neither! Alone, broke, too tired to get your buzz on…Shit, you might as well just die now, dumbass!”

There was a murmur of agreement from all of the figures. An Angel in the back started the chant. The rest of the girls slowly joined in with sadistic glee.

“Die. Die. Die. Die. Die! Die! Die! DIE! DIE! DIE!”

The command was so loud, so violent, that the whole room was rumbling under the vibrations of their demonic timbre. The paint depicting their eyes, no matter the color, glowed red. Over a hundred cutesy anime eyes, shining all around him with the dim glow of an emergency exit sign that would open up straight into a deep pit of absolute darkness. Hinata desperately wanted to dash for the door, or at least flip the lights on, but he could no longer see which way it was – even if illumination was only at arms’ length. But his arms were too preoccupied, pressing his hands like suctions against his ears, and his skin was too thin to keep out that chorus of demeaning voices as they added more insults to the sad heap cowering in the center of the room.

“Idiot!”

“Loner!”

“Pathetic!”

“Virgin!”

“Antisocial Coward!”

“Introverted Weakling!”

“Broke-Ass Little Bitch!”

“Selfish Asshole!”

“Addicted Weeb!”

“Pervert!”

“Pedo Freak!”

“Creep!”

“Gamer Trash!”

“Loser!”

The voices wouldn’t stop. Curled in a ball, bawling, begging them to leave him alone, Hinata finally started screaming at the top of his lungs to drown them out. But the dolls were louder, their pulsating red eyes surrounding him oppressive, and he couldn’t look away from their voyeuristic delight at beholding such a pathetic piece of human waste shriveling up under the heat of their humiliation. That was the sort of thing from which they derived their greatest pleasure. It was about time they got some from their “owner” for a change. At least he could be somewhat useful for once in his worthless life.

♋ ♋ ♋

When the police burst into Hinata’s room, they were shocked by what they saw.

The Leasing Office had called them, firstly concerned with receiving the past month’s rent, which was never delivered, but secondly with concern for the tenant’s safety. Other neighbors had reported strange noises as they passed by the door every day – morning or night, it made no difference. The noise never stopped, a weak dry-heaving on perpetual loop, accompanied by the background vocals of a hundred whispers. 

Breaking down the door after he refused to open it, the police discovered Hinata lying curled up on the ground in the middle of his room. His hands were still clasped tight over his ears, milky eyes staring up at the ceiling but seeing nothing, skin stretched taut against his wiry frame that looked like it hadn’t been nourished once for an entire month. His chapped lips quivered fearfully, repeating nothing in particular but simply reminding himself he still existed, by virtue of having a voice. The police tried to remove his hands from his ears, but they wouldn’t budge; his joints and muscles were so tensed up from fear and time working against him, that they had locked in place.

It would take four months before Hinata recovered from dehydration, starvation, lack of sunlight, muscle spasticity, and psychological trauma. During therapy, he refused to say what happened to make him feel like that…other than his home had been “invaded” and that he had been forced to “look inside himself and make changes in his second shot at life.” Hinata may have missed his thirtieth birthday, but whatever ordeal he underwent in that dark cupboard of a room ensured that his future birthdays would extend much longer. And have much more meaning.

Filed away in the police report, as well as the Leasing Agent complaint, was the status of Hinata’s apartment at the time of the rescue. Everyone knew about it, but the landlord decided, upon a personal visit to the scene, that he wanted no part in whatever the Hell was going on there, and took the room completely off the books for good.

What the police had walked in on was a peculiarly minimalist room, but nothing they hadn’t seen before from a dead-end N.E.E.T. like this one. What made it peculiar were the statuettes lining the shelves, hundreds of them. They could tell they were once figures of cute anime girls, very expensive, expertly crafted and clearly coveted by collectors.

Once.

Now, they were repulsive, sickly monstrosities. Their limbs, bodies, and necks had stretched towards where Hinata’s limp body had been retrieved, as if hungry to claim his soul. Paint had melted, smeared, swirled across their bodies in indecipherable symbols and streaked their faces into bleeding nightmares. Their clawed fingers, pointing at him with accusations – painted mouths split to become smiling fanged jaws – their eyes, hollowed out into empty pits – their clothes, torn and blended in with their bodies to create leathery, mutated forms with multicolored appendages stretching out towards, again, the spot where Hinata was recovered. Hinata refused to mention the figures, grew pale as a sheet whenever they were, and the therapist tasked with his recovery eventually shut down the topic altogether.

The police chalked Hinata up as a mental case and left it alone. The Leasing Agent, however, needed to resell the apartment, and continued to receive complaints of threatening whispers coming from within.  He also heard that a lot of the previous tenant’s abandoned belongings would fetch a high price, which was as a good incentive as any for action.  So, one day, he decided enough was enough and opened the door to clear the place out.

It must have been a trick of the dark, but…The Leasing Agent could have sworn that, as soon as the light entered that stuffy cell, every single head of every single figurine swiveled in unison. Staring, directly at him – judging, and eager to see the natural sentence carried out, so they had a good reason laugh forever and ever.

The Leasing Agent locked the door behind him and never looked back.


Round the Rood


I have a fetish. A peculiar fetish. An undeniable, unabashed, unwavering fetish for one thing, and one thing only: the Cathedral. Strange, perhaps, that this is the first time I am making such a confession to anyone, considering my expertise in confessional design requires me to spend more time with them than sins I have. But I know a fetish when I feel one, and this confession makes me feel nothing but the purest of joys – there is no shame here.

When I see a Cathedral, something about it elevates my spirit to the heights of those arches, those domes, those skylit clerestories and triforiums.  I quake when I see a Carolingian, and am beyond myself in the presence of a Byzantine. Baroque be always in style with me, and I am always eager for an Eclectic. Oh, how many shapes, how many forms, how many feelings do these ancient structures hold? I am no Christian, though I appreciate the unnecessary idolization of their temples. My love for these stony sanctuaries is as close as I’ve gotten to religion, in fact. But it is a true love, a reasonable love – for who could resist admiring the majesty of such noble art? And, if admiring it be so common, then how exceptional those few must be who fetishize them.

When I was young, I would steal away from church services just to explore the plain nooks and crannies our church offered. As a child I found it preferable to the sermons, but, as I aged, I became learned to just what a meager imitation it was of edificio del Padre. It was a boring, trite little thing, constructed from wood for the sole purpose of keeping out drafts and keeping Christians in. Smelling of mulch outside from the dying gardens, and of the must rising from the decaying husks of the congregation inside, trapped under the beams of a breaking roof. Where there is pure utility, there is no art.

My family, my friends, so-called though they were, are to me a bore and waste of time. There is no elevation to their conversation, no art to their small talk, no beauty in their sloppily crafted personas, no no no no no! Not only do they offer paltry interactions that are hardly comparable to the divine connection between myself and my sanctuaries, but they also fail to understand how and why and what is the idol of my devotion. Not one single person knows one fact about Cathedrals. They could at least act like they cared! But they do not, so I do not, and would rather spend my time beneath marble arches not my own than under the shingled roof that is.

There is no cathedral, in my humble obsessive opinion, more artistic than St. Paul’s – so there is naturally no other roof I’d rather be under at this moment. I can hardly remember any place in this damp miserable Londontown that I’ve been, outside of St. Paul’s, so uninspired and uninspiring were they. I know its every nook and cranny, its every crowded catacomb and vault and side chapel. I could tell you the name of every jamb figure, blind, by tracing my fingers along their stony beards and crowns. I can draw a blueprint up in no time, and tell you where every secret portal is located, its style and the importance of its users. I have walked back and forth under the porticoes, learning St. Paul’s façade until it is no more complex to my eye than the back of my hand. These intricate parapets, those mighty pendentives, the splendid simplicity of bosses in between the creative complexity of buttresses – there is no place I’d rather be.

I remind myself now of the importance in my love for cathedrals, my intimate mappings of their structures,  because there must be some concealed explanation that love can uncover; one to tell me why I’m here, now, staring over the bannister encircling St. Paul’s triple-shelled dome, at this late, late hour. Two o’ clock…a very early and very strange hour. A very empty, a very echoey, a very unhinged hour. The only hour, I’m slowly discovering, in which I’d rather not be at the place I’d most rather be at during any other waking hour. Two o’clock is not a waking hour – I’m therefore quite terrified. I regret having sneaked inside for a moment alone from those religious invaders.

There is something else I must confess, though I am embarrassed to do so. As I scaled the winding stairs upwards to the Whispering Gallery, I discovered a new part of the cathedral that had, to this day, eluded my loving gaze. A hole, not intentional, a fault in the construction, that I never noticed before. Had I been averting my eyes, refusing to acknowledge the obvious cracks beneath my beloved St. Paul’s skin? But I did not mind the hole, so much as I minded my lack of knowledge about it. Surely there was some reason for the darkness beyond, some reason to justify or beautify the absence of material and the extension of space? The breeze crawling out was cool, drawing me in, promising that to crawl inside would be to open my eyes to some deeper secret about these objects of my affection. First my head, then my chest, my stomach, my legs finally passed through, and I had passed through.

At first glance, I had seen a room beyond this hole, but it must have been some trick of the light since I was sliding downwards, along a steep slope. Slate buried itself under my fingernails as I instinctively tried to dig in, prevent myself from being pulled into some inescapable recess, but my efforts were futile. Like a rat in a pit trap, I slid with fear towards what I was sure was my doom, gathering so much dust and cobwebs that I wouldn’t be able to see even if it wasn’t pitch black. The air grew colder, and colder, and stuffier, and ancient, until I hit a floor and launched forward into open space until I sprawled against a railing.

Coughing and patting the dust from my clothes, peeling the cobwebs from my eyebrows, I was met with the echo of my own voice. An echo whose timbre was very familiar to me, and I could soon see why as well as hear: I was at the Whispering Wall, a circular balcony three stories up in the dome of St. Paul’s, overlooking the plummet to the tiles below. Pushing myself back, it dawned on me just how impossible it was – I had descended for what seemed like a full minute at a gut-dropping pace, to end up on the same level at which I began? By no accounts did that make sense. Even less so as I turned to observe my exit, only to discover that there was none to be found. Whatever hole I stumbled out of, the end to that tunnel – gone. Only the two doors I knew to be the only entrances and exits were visible, and they were too far for me to suppose the mysterious hole spat me through a bit of unexpected renovation. So how did I end up here?

I feel a shiver delicately stroke my spine, for I see now that I am not completely alone. On the other side of the gaping hole is another man. He stares at me blankly. Or, perhaps that is a blank stare? I have trouble discerning his expression from this distance – and without my glasses, which I seem to have misplaced. He is more fuzz than man at this distance. But, perhaps, there is no reason to fear? Since he is up here with me, surely he must know where I was deposited from, and why.

It is not customary for me to approach others in this place, though it be erected for fellowship and group-worship. I have no use for those purposes. I exist to laud the glory of the building itself, none of the extraneous attachments that have leeched themselves to it. Still, I cannot deny that the emptiness at such an hour unnerves me, and this mysterious figure across the way is a welcoming sight.

They do not seem inclined to greet me, so I take the first step clockwise to close the gap. No sooner do I take that step, do they take one clockwise as well.

“No, don’t worry! Wait right there, I’ll come to you,” I chuckle good-naturedly.

They do not reply. But they do move in the same direction as I try to get closer. No matter how fast I walk around the dome, I always end up equidistant to this mysterious figure as before.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want to be alone? Were you praying?”

There, I can see his mouth moving…but…

“I’m sorry, I can’t…I can’t hear you! Can you speak up?”

His mouth is clearly forming words, but I don’t know what they are. He is pointing at me, jabbing his finger in my direction almost desperately. Is he mocking me, pretending to speak but instead taking advantage of the fact that we are alone to act out some sort of selfish frustration upon me?

But I have forgotten for a moment where we are: The famed Whispering Gallery, where echoes travel round about and can be heard from the other side of the dome. Talk about the perfect merger of utility and art! If he means to say something, that would certainly get the message across.

I point to the stone and gesture as if speaking into it. They get the gist, and slink over to their side of the wall, bend over, and speak into it.

Even pressing my ear almost to the wall, I cannot make out the words – his mouth is clearly moving, from what I can see, strained into an horrified gaping hole snapping open and shut like a fish. And echoing through the wall is some unnerving squishy sound, like bubbles popping in wet clay being pressed between two powerful hands. The squishing and squelching stirred something in me, like a song that resonates with your heart. But not a good one – a herald that something terrible is near, and you are the only one alone for miles and miles who can hear it. And, worse than that, the songmaker knows just how alone you are.

“Okay,” I shouted, my patience exasperated, “I’ll leave you alone if you’re just going to-“

Turning from the wall, I see the figure plainly for a split second. Standing rigid on the edge of the precipice with his head lifted high, and, in the second split of that second, disappearing over the lip. A few seconds more, and a muddy thud is felt throughout St. Paul’s, resonating its way up to me. I did not fully register what just happened at first. It is early, after all, and I am still floundering about in my own headspace from that trip earlier through the hole in the wall. But I peer over the edge of the hole, slowly, cautiously – sure enough, three stories below, lies the man’s motionless body. Faintly twitching, crumpled in a spread heap like an insect crushed underfoot.

“Help! Someone help! A man just fell,” I shouted downwards, leaning over the lip, at the top of my lungs. “Can’t anyone hear me?” But no one could, for the Cathedral was empty – I had made sure of that before I entered. The salivary sucking of the man’s breaths echoed louder, from all around the Whispering Wall, and from beneath me, filling the entire enormity of the main chamber.

I stumble backwards and through one of the two true doors to the Whispering Gallery. My flight down the winding stairs was a dangerous descent, every step weak from the shock, until I burst out into the main chamber on the breath of the wind.

The atrium was vast, gleaming, empty. The squelching still rebounded in echoes off the walls, growing fainter and fainter until it faded away completely – and yet, he was already gone. Vanished! But to where? There is no way anyone could survive a fall from such a height, onto this solid surface, or break through it to the catacombs and gift shop below. I know because I smacked the ground with my open palm, just to make sure. There was no hole, no indentation, no blood spatter to indicate anyone had fallen at all, and my hand hurt now so I knew I must be awake.

But that, too, I began to doubt, as Portland stone and gold, wood and limestone, all together began to slide off the wall in one goopeous glob of heavy mush, pulling priceless artifacts from the wall as they poured ever so slowly, a cascading waterfall of dull colors, seeping over the pulpit and the pews and the spot where the strange man had fallen. Or not fallen…At this point, I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Dizzy, I stepped one heel after the other, backwards, towards the front door – never taking my eyes off the center, never looking away, ever watching. What was the cause of these hallucinations tonight? The door, the man, the walls, all indicated that I was losing my mind to images that were trying their hardest to make my absolute favorite place in the whole world the last place I want to be right now. Then my back bumped against the door, and the relief I felt told me that they had succeeded. I fumbled for the handle, and fled down the steppes into the greenish-orange lamplight of the streets.

“Help! Someone! Anyone,” I called, no longer for the invisible man, but for myself. For I was now suddenly gripped with the terror of being alone in the world, and I needed more than the living shadow of St. Paul’s overhead. I needed the shadow of something that was supposed to be living, and so I tripped over the steps and against the door of the first lodging I could find. Hammering at the door, shouting my usual entreaties for this particular night, “Help! Someone! Anyone!” 

A light suddenly went on in the window! I could hear laughing, see the shadows of people making merry. But they were oblivious to my pounding, my begging, my cursing – in their joy I had no part, and they would not allow me to make a case otherwise.

I stepped back down the steps, seething, to discover one of them was watching. This one was different: a silhouette, sitting still and undisturbed in the window up and to my left, exiled from those in the lighted room. I could tell from their profile that they were staring at me, like the Statue of Queen Anne, regal and accusatory, but I could not make out any features. I felt an invisible force in my heart, bidding me to press my ear back to the door; what would they tell me?

…squish…squeech…squEESHSQUNCHSQUASHSQUELCH-”

I shoved my body from that cursed door and fled once again. Down the long rows of terrace houses seeming to stretch on ad infinitum, I was pushing my lungs to their limit. I tried to stay focused, straight ahead, forcing my mind to ignore the fact that there were silhouettes in every window, staring without a sliver of compassion down on me in my mad dash towards some unseen exit. No more shadows in the throes of partying, only the one lone figure in the upper window, my only witness. And that infernal squelching, like a finger in a cup of goo, or wax melting down its frame – following me from behind, below, all around, closing in on me from that endless stretching wind of two-story houses.

And then, a sign: “NO THROUGH ROAD.” The mark of dead ends. And what a dead end it was – an architectural marvel in simplest form. A sheer, blemishless concrete wall, straight up into the night, connecting the two opposite rows of terrace houses. There was no way around it or over it, no way to escape the SQUELCHSQUELCH seeping fast on my heels. There was, however, a small brick protruding out on the edge of the wall. I pulled at the brick; it fell easily out. So did the next. And the next. One by one until a hole large enough for me to crawl through opened up. Without a second thought, ears clogged with that goopy dredge at work on my nerves, I plunged into the opening.

I tumbled, over and over, nose and eyes overwhelmed by the most ancient dust that had ever clouded my senses. I felt my joints bent out of shape, my head bruised, unable to tell which way was up or down or even able to try reaching out for a stable surface. Eventually, I let it take me – down, down, down into whatever pit I was to be deposited in.

I felt a blast of open, cool air and skidded face-first over a series of wooden steps. Rolling over onto my back, the familiar tingles of joy from peering into the beauty of thethe virtuous voussoirs of the dome, with its one little porthole providing me with a front-row seat to the light of dawn. Joy, turned to confusion, turned to horror: I was back at the Whispering Wall in St. Paul’s Cathedral.

Pulling myself up by the railing, I felt a little groan wheeze from between my cracked and dusted lips. How could this be? I ran all through the streets of London, to end up here again, three stories up, over a mile from where I had entered that hole in the wall? This must be a dream…No, a terrible nightmare. Not even the frescoes above could improve my outlook on the situation.

An outlook that, as I spied the fuzzy man on the other side of the wall, standing behind the railing as he did earlier before he jumped, grew dimmer every passing second. The fuzzy man was just as obscured as he had been – now, not only because his face was all staticized, but because something stood between him and I. 

Or, floated, rather.

It was an awful sight – a hovering vision made of clay, silver and gold, not quite spiritual, not quite physical. A Masterwork that had been floating with its hand connected to the man’s left shoulder, at first beholding a humanistic figure not so different from the Saints and angels lining the facades both within and without. Its skin seemed, again paradoxically, both liquid and solid, rippling under the beams of first light. I stared at the beautiful angel, its outstretched motionless wings draping the man in shadows as if about to engulf him, when it slowly turned in midair and looked directly at me.

Its face was my face, and I hated it. I had never seen an expression like that across my features, making it seem alien to me as it drifted towards me. Like it wanted me, but not for anything good – the blank stare of lust, to possess the love I had for its dwelling place and quash it forever.

Running towards the man seemed like my only option; perhaps we could stand a chance against this mutual threat? It seemed to be stalking him as well…But no matter how fast I run, he is always equidistant from where I first began: on the complete opposite side of the void between us.

And still the living statue draws near. I see its skin bubbling up, screaming faces pressing themselves against the stone from within, its muddy unmolded body floating steady and never losing ground in the flight towards me. An abominable Seraphim on tendryllic wings, coming to claim my soul as part of its facade.

I shouted at the man. I tried to wake him up, warn him; he could not hear, or he would not listen, or he willed himself not to listen so he could not hear. And now the clay abomination was upon me, throwing its thick threads of gold and silver onto my face, my body, suctioning my body in with the power of a sinkhole as it tried to make me one of those contorted faces within its parasitic body. And my ears, my ears! Always assaulted with that malodorous squelching. Had it really been after me this whole time?

I would not let the clay spectre take me without resistance. I pushed into that inflexibly soft core, shouting at the top of my lungs. I would be heard! I would not go quietly into obscurity! The more I struggled, like quicksand, the greater its power over me. So long as I feared it, denied it, found reason not to be absorbed into its cool, milky embrace.

Why, though? Why did I resist? Did I not enter the hole in the wall to uncover the secrets of St Paul’s? And here was the secret, about to illuminate the darkest recesses of architecture, while I resist the very unknown thing I sought. So I stopped my struggles, my resistance, and clung tightly to the clay that had enveloped me. Tell me your secrets! Lead me to the truth! Bring me a higher pleasure than any other cathedral has before!

Only then did it recoil. The entire figure melted into a single stream, like oil carried on the wind, and seeped up towards the skylight. I called after it, but the whole body slipped through my fingers. I reached out, as if to grip the tail of a kite that had almost flown out of reach, but my fingers closed over nothing. My feet also teetered over into nothing, shocking me with the realization that I had somehow ended up standing over the railing during the struggle. As I teetered forward, balance lost, I glimpsed the static man. for the last time, turning from the Whispering Wall. He did not see me, but I saw him – the face that was my own, every bit my likeness, coloring and rigifying before my very eyes as the product of the sentient clay Masterwork. And the product was me, formed to witness my own destruction and run towards it nonetheless.

I fell. Three stories, maybe more, watching the glory of all I loved pass by in a blur until the tiled floor rose and met me in the chest. For a brief second, I heard my own voice above me calling for help, and understood that my body would not move, but these observations were drowned out. For it was coming…that dreaded squishing sound, catching up to me from below. 

SQEESHSQUNCHSQUASHSQUELCH

I could do nothing. Maybe I just didn’t want to – what was the point? And perhaps, through all the fear and the instinct that this would not be good, this would all lead only to nothing, I found myself too unconcerned with any other outcome than to see where I would be dragged to. The tile floor was like unhardened concrete, yielding to accept me as I sank downwards to where the sound was. All I could see there was the perfectly smooth surface of dark gray stone, shifting and moving and changing direction like it had taken residence behind my eyelids, since my body knew that downwards was the only direction it was headed. I heard my doppelganger pass overhead, shouting so ineptly for help. Ah, he would come to realize the pointlessness soon enough. For I was familiar with the sound now, recognizing it as the sound of Future’s waste, hidden beneath every crowning spire man erected to beautify it.

Whatever it truly was, it had found me long ago. Forever now I go to greet it, deep in the bowels of my beloved cathedral. Not because I want to, no, but…Well, when I think about such a fetish as mine – which was all I ever thought about – what else would I have done?


Moses Shrugged


Waiting rooms are uncomfortable. Fight me if you don’t agree, but, with throbbing silence and awkward glances pointed both at you and nowhere, I’d personally rather be anywhere else. Fight me on any other waiting room, even…but not this one. Something…something about this particular box, the faux-velvety, clinical space, is worse than the others. Not just worse…intolerable. It could be the humidity of the sweat going down my back, gathering behind the folds of my neck and collecting in mucky pools. It could be the judgmental eyes of the skinny little girl across from me, staring me down when she’s certain I won’t notice but swiftly shifting into a study of the green wallpaper behind me when I meet her gaze. It could be the long paperwork before me, the fact that I haven’t eaten anything all day, the haze from the marijuana that helps with the pain and long days…

But, I think, maybe the cause of my discomfort…is that I shouldn’t be here at all.

I didn’t think I’d ever be in this position. He was going to take care of me, we were going to make it together, and I was going to make the home he’d look forward to returning to. He was the love of my life, I thought, I thought with rapture as he plunged into me again and again, before he plunged into the sea never to rise again and left me sore – with the swell of my body and the breaking of my waters. We worked so hard to get to America…it was America that took him from me, and the hundreds of other lives that never returned to the their wives and husbands and leave them in the position that I am now.

Alone in a waiting room.

I study the crimson…green?…crimson wallpaper directly ahead, flaking off like the skin of some rotting corpse. Is this what I came for? Is this the dream we were all told to fall in love with? I clutched tightly to the black duffel sitting on my lap. Tightly, but tenderly.

My name was being called, but I didn’t want to hear it yet.
“Mrs. Continuista?”
Not yet.
“Is there a Mrs. Continuista here?”

“All right, guess she got tired of waiting. Miss Darnell?”
“Right here!”

The skinny kid across from me sprung up and hop-skipped to the counter, where a manicured pair of deep-brown hands shuffled papers under a pane of glass that concealed their owner.

“And what did you want today, sister?”
“Well, my boyfriend and I have been going at it for a couple of months.”
“Congratulations. You must be really good in bed, for him to stay that long.”
Mockery is lost on Miss Darnell.
“We’ve been trying so hard, and I think I’m finally –“

She breaks short and gives a tight squeal, trying to make the receptionist share her
excitement. The glass pane blocks any connection between them, except vocal.

“You’re finally what?
“Oh, you know…”
“We’re a clinic. You must be specific with the need our services can assist in.”
“I’m pregnant!”

She half-glances at the people behind her, as if expecting this information to affect our
lives somehow. Instead, I feel all of them stare directly at me – to avoid her.

“Then why are you here?”
“Well, Charlie changed his mind, doesn’t think he’s ready. Wants me to get rid of it.”
“So an abortion for you, then?”
“Hell no! It’s my body, my decision. I’m keeping it!”
“Then why are you here, Miss Darnell?”
“I want a mammogram. I know I’m not far along yet, but I’d like to see if it’s a boy or a girl.”
A pause.
A longer pause.
“A’ight, get yo dumbass self outta here.”

Miss Darnell stammered in disbelief. It was definitely unexpected.

“We look like a charity to you? Mammograms. You’re shittin’ me. You know how expensive that equipment is? Only hospitals got that shit. We do abortions. I dunno how many times I gotta tell you entitled bitches before it gets through your dense melons. Get outta here, Miss Darnell.”

Miss Darnell, bright pink as a strawberry, stood still for a moment. She turned as if she’d been slapped, and left with the most pathetic and unconvinced huff I’ve ever heard. But I was convinced. I stood. The black duffel swung back in forth on the crook of my arm.

I moved to the glass pane. The receptionist’s hands smoothed out her papers, and her professional saleswomanship with it.

“Yes, sister? What did you want today?”
“I’m Mrs. Continuista.”
“I see. I hope, with a last name like that, you’re not here to ask for a mammogram.”
“An abortion.”
“Well, well…It’s a new age, then, isn’t it? And have you filled out the paperwork?”
I handed the sheets to her disembodied hands.
“Excellent. And? Did you have any questions?”
“I don’t want to do it.”
A pause.
A longer pause.
I prepared for another outburst.
“What brought you here?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why did you feel you needed an abortion in the first place?”
“I don’t know. I guess…I guess I’m afraid.”
“You’re all alone, are you?”
“Yes.”
“Typical. Men, am I right? Doing whatever they want with your body, then running off whenever they want to. Nothing but the dust of the Earth, if you ask me.”
“Oh, no, he was completely faithful. He lived long enough to learn I was pregnant…but…
not much longer than that. I just don’t think I can handle supporting two people alone.”
“Oh, sister, I’m sorry to hear that. How did he die?”
“I don’t like to talk about it…he was in the Navy. Comes with the occupation, I guess.”
“Oh my God, that’s terrible. Jeanine!”

A few seconds bring another shadow behind the lacquered glass.

“Yeah?”
“Tell Jeanine your sad story, Mrs. Continuista.”
I do.
“Why, child, that’s so terrible! Just awful! It’s one of those stories you always hear, you know, as hypotheticals, but never do you actually meet someone who’s gone through it. Like those girls who end up pregnant from their rapist, or the jackass who lied about putting a condom on, or the woman whose life is in danger if she has the child, you just never see something like this very often, if hardly at all. Usually it’s just the hazards that come with recreational sex. Nothing special, nothing uncommon, so no problem. Right?”

Jeanine’s milky silhouette faded away into a room deeper back.

“Don’t worry anymore. You are in the right place. We exist for people exactly like you, who come down with this unforeseen affliction. I mean, who can resist sex? Who can resist the greatest feeling ever? We’re here to eliminate the repercussions, like taking the fat out of cake. Think of it, not as a practice, but as a service to womankind. To you. Now, for scheduling your operation…”


Please…
“Well, aren’t you brave. Taking advantage of the new law, so soon?”
“Yes.”
“Now I see why you were so nervous. How long have you had the Tumor?”
“Tumor?”
“It’s what we call them at this stage. Tumors. Helps with the separation. After all, yours is much more of a leech now than before, right? Suckling away at your future. Where is it, anyway?”

I heave my black duffel onto the counter. I unzip it. Inside, bundled up, is the Tumor, fast
asleep. Sedated.

“My, my. Ain’t that just pathetic. And you’ve let that thing fester for three weeks?”
“I wasn’t sure if this was the right decision.”
“You’ve said it before, you haven’t much of a choice. What, you want to give it up to one of those relocation agencies, constantly wondering where it’s been passed? No, you were right to come to us. You know, our founder, the mother of all our good work, our patron saint of Darwinism.”
She sniggered at her own little joke.
“She was probably thinking of poor souls just like you, Mrs. Continuista, when she built our first clinics.”

The receptionist’s ebony hands clacked long, painted nails against the counter. Her emotions were getting riled, though the bright red stripes on the tips of drumming fingers were all I could see.

“And people call her immoral, acting like Moses when he came down the mountain and threw down his tablets, when they’re all worshipping the same golden bull? How many other animals kill their offspring, in far worse ways, and for less use than us. And now they’re crying over this new law? Bitch, please! When women are forced to go through this painful process to fix a mistake, it’s not their fault. The new law gives us an opportunity to make it less painful, less violent, at less cost, and, most importantly, to better serve the patient and her body, and suddenly it’s a moral outrage? It’s, like, when are your supposedly progressive minds going to woman up, and take your worldview to its logical conclusion? It’s fucking hypocritical!”

Her nails stopped drumming.
“You’re still not convinced, are you?”
“No. Sorry.”
She sighed and leaned back. It wasn’t a sigh of annoyance, but more like the heart’s gas
pipe pushing out an excess breath of pity.
“You ever heard of Jean Piaget?”
“No. Sorry.”

“Not surprised. He was a Swiss psychologist, did some work on education and brain development. I won’t go into his theories, because they don’t matter, but what does matter is he determined a child can’t act apart from its own impulses and observations until age two. Crying, curiosity, eating, pissing…it’s all done on impulse. The child has no sense of self, like any regular animal, with a constant present perspective and no way of expressing itself as a human being, in its own brain or in interactions with human beings. It has no means of communicating to us that it is human, no way of using human signs, or any kind of meaningful sign, to define itself as human. It has no self-consciousness. Therefore-“

“It’s a Tumor.”

“You said it, not me. Ever seen a newborn foal? A baby hippo? Ever wonder why human offspring are so completely helpless compared to the rest of the animal kingdom? They’re born too early. If they came out as developed as, say, a fawn, the mother’s body wouldn’t be able to handle it. In other words, birth is the body’s way of aborting the child before it becomes dangerous. It’s still technically a fetus even now, skull still unformed, immune system still haywire, because it’s only here on borrowed flesh from your body, sister. It’s not yet it’s own, and you’re still in control.”

I sighed. I don’t know why I did it, whether it was because I was hoping she’d talk me out of it, or because I was just tired of worrying about what I should do.
“Is it done humanely?”
“Oh, yes. Euthanization is all pretty sophisticated nowadays. Courts wouldn’t have passed the law if it wasn’t.”
I sighed again. Her trimmed hands slowly slid another form in front of me. I picked up a pen and looked down. I almost dropped the pen.
“What the Hell is this?”
“Oh, well, you can receive compensation if you want. A portion of the profits after we sell its –
“And if I refuse?”
“You won’t receive anything, but the pieces will still go to market, with or without your consent. We know what you’re going through, so we’d understand if you’d prefer not to receive what some call ‘blood money’. I see yours is male, so you might receive even more.”
I signed. But I didn’t check that box.
“Suit yourself.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes, actually. I had Jeanine run your profile through the system.”
My breath caught.
“Sorry, protocol. Why didn’t you tell us the Tumor was defective?”
“I’m sorry, defective?”
“Diagnosed with autism, according to your doctor’s records.”
My caught breath ran away into some unknown recess in the pit of my stomach, and expanded there.
“Will that be a problem?”
“Oh, no, not at all! In fact, it makes your decision much more reasonable.”
“It won’t affect your profits on its brain, or something?” I said that with sarcastic spite. This time, the glass shielded the receptionist.

“Of course not! We’re not Dr. Frankenstein over here. We’re not even a medical practice, technically, more of a service. To make your life livable again. We thank you for your patronage, Mrs. Continuista, and ask you to think of us next time your body is afflicted.”

The long, crimson nails stretched under the glass and gripped my duffel bag. As soon as it started to slide toward the slot…my Tumor’s eyes opened. It looked directly at me. It smiled, though its mouth made no movement, and reached upwards at me, though it conveyed no desire, and I was struck hard by how much it reminded me of him. And I knew, I knew that I would be haunted by that face as I was by his, though I was sure that doing this I would not have to watch it grow up and see it every day and be reminded of that empty place he left in my heart.

The Tumor began crying on the other side of the glass.

The entire waiting room lit up with frightened, glossy eyes, as if the very specter of Death was drumming his bony knuckles on their bloated bellies. One began to cry. Then another. Then they were all wailing banshees, unsure of where this sound was coming from within themselves.

“You dumb bitch! Look what you’ve done to your sisters! You were supposed to sedate it properly! You asshole! You whore! You piece of shit!”

The receptionist’s screams sent me out of the waiting room as fast as my weak legs could go without a mind controlling them.

I left the waiting room, but I couldn’t escape the wailing. That damned, haunted wailing. They were the sirens behind my car. They were the nightmare floating above my head. They were the rot in my fruit, the cramp in my leg, the pressure in my skull, the nightmare above my bed, the distraction at my work, the early to my climax, the impatience in every good thing I could find for myself. But, but…it only lasted a short while, relatively. The wails faded to echoes, and then to a memory, the memory of him, and I could go on living. It’s been years, and many more women have made the same choice I did. But I still did it when not everyone was…I was one of the firsts. I was also one of the last to question it, and I’m just glad I don’t have to question it any longer.

But I can’t help thinking sometimes. And sometimes reminds me of back then, back when I stopped thinking for only one moment, a moment I was sure would be for the best. But now all I’m sure of…I’m sure I left behind more than just the Tumor that day.


How the Panther Lost Her Poise


In the land of Hatuga, there are Haves, and there are Have-Yours. Have-Nots are nonexistent, for the forest is so overabundantly fruitful that one cannot live their life without declaring at least one thing to be solely their own. There are many, however, who are never happy unless they possess the one thing treasured by someone else. These are the Have-Yours, and ravenous beasts who will cease at nothing until they have seized that which they covet most from their neighbor. And, even after that, their dissatisfaction persists.

Once, not too long ago, the most feared predator in the forest was neither the wolf, the lion, the snake, the polar bear, or the caterpillar, none of these which you might normally guess. No, for in those days the Panther was the supreme hunting machine. She was not just the agilest of cats, but hunted in enormous packs that could number as large as forty – forty human-sized cats, pitched as the night, leaping soundlessly through the canopy before pouncing without warning on their prey three stories below. They were lean, lithe, and could grip limbs with even less effort than your average gibbon – whether those limbs were the tree branches they bounded across, or the limbs of unaware feasts devoured in seconds as that swarm of treetop piranhas descended in a swirling tornado of fur and claw.

Panthers used to be a well-oiled machine, a pack of hunters even more singular in their collective mind than wolves. The wolves of Hatuga, in fact, learned their techniques from the Panther, only to replicate their system with the flaws that come only naturally to an imperfect translation. Guttural growls in their muscular chests, short like a morse code trapped in their lungs, would vibrate through the trees and coordinate every attack – the obstacles in the brush, the map of the trees, the status of the prey, and, most importantly, their method of approach. For each Panther trusted her sister with her own fulfillment, and therefore her life. No, there was not one greater example of efficient communication than the Panther – most feared of jungle predators by the tight-knitted nature of their community.

But an efficient machine is not immune from the chance accident that sends a spring popping off into the void, the destiny of one panther who chanced to land on a rotting branch during a scouting expedition. She fell all the way to the floor, unperturbed as her plummet was softened by the pads on her feet, executing the pack’s prepared protocol and thereby landing safely thanks to the teachings of her sisters.

Now, in the panthers’ territory, there lived many other Hatugans both predator and prey alike. The least of these, a predator by nature but treating himself like prey, was Watersnake. Watersnake lamented his lot, a venomless reptile with drab markings, unseen and passed on by all. His scales were not eye-catching, so he concealed himself in the dirt. His bite was not dangerous, so, from the safety of his hiding places, he hurled insults. And his tail, though he could mimic the much more infamous Rattlesnake by vibrating it at high speeds, he kept still. He did not want to attract fearful attention that he could not back up with devastating action.

Today, though, was a desperate day in the life of Watersnake. He was feeling particularly self-destructive, tired of the flecks of dirt always in his eyes and hateful of his fellow Hatugan. So, when the panther plummeted ad landed safely next to him, he seethed with righteous injustice.

“Why would this creature,” he slithered through his despondent thoughts, “blessed with a beautiful coat, a graceful tail, powerful claws, and a fearsome roar, also be blessed with the utilities to fall thirty feet out of the sky and land as if it had never left the ground? It’s not fair! Not fair, no!”

That was his last thought, before the natural fuel of frustration and pessimistic comparisons propelled Watersnake to lash out. He knew it would be his last lash, but at least all in Hatuga would finally know him, either for his bravery, his stupidity, or the mark left by his action, as the worm who dared challenge the apex predator.

When the Panther felt a sting on the end of her tail, she was worried she might have shredded it back up among the branches. But then – the rattling. The familiar death rattles of a Rattlesnake, poison dangerous enough to paralyze a Panther in under a minute, and kill her in three. The Panther hardly glanced at Watersnake – his mouth full of her tail, his eyes blazing with the fires of finality, and his own tail vibrating like a bee’s wings to keep up the facade – before she shredded that sorry snake to chunks between her claws and fangs.

But the damage was done. The Panther had been convinced by the display that her tail, her source of pride and balance, was now poisoned. And her training in these situations was very clear: her tail had to go. With tears in her eyes from the forthcoming loss and not just the present pain, she clamped her teeth at the base of her tail and gnawed until she was able to pull it free, separating the toxin she feared was working its way up from doing further harm.

The Panther did her best to try and make it back to the pack. The longer she searched, the longer her vision stretched, until it was obvious to her that the loss of blood from her posterior was just a much a danger as the venom had been. She was not so familiar with her surroundings from the forest floor, wasting the meager supply of consciousness left in her possession on trying to spot the branch that failed her in the treetop as a starting point. Her head was still upraised when she finally collapsed from the self-inflicted wound.

As the Panther’s vision blurred back to life, her first waking thought simply being shock that she was still alive, it came to her attention that she had been moved inside a canvased shelter. Gaudily decorated, earthy and warm, a smorgasbord of furs and metallurgically tailored art pieces.

“You’re awake! For a second there, I was worried you wouldn’t, but here you are.”

The curtains partitioning the inside from the out parted, and a young man came waltzing in on the smoke of a blacksmith’s fire outside. The Panther was still woozy, but that did not hinder her first instinct: to snarl at the intruder in this strange tent, though it probably belonged to him. She did not care about learning his intentions, for he was strange to her.

The young man, still more boy than man, laughed at her. His good-natured cheeriness calmed her down instead of steeling her defenses.

“I’ve always heard you Panthers were fearsome creatures, and it’s amazing to see how true that is in person! Oh, there’s no shame in how I found you passed out in a bush, nearly dead. There was so much blood that I never would have found you if it hadn’t trickled its way down to me.”

The Panther tried to rise. Her legs were weak, and she wobbled about until she collapsed again in a pile of furs. The young man reached out to comfort her, but quickly retracted his offer when her jaws snapped at his outreached digits. Turning her attention cautiously from him, she began to lick the stump where her tail used to be. She could still feel the ghostly presence of that severed limb, flicking about in a reality where it still existed. Her licks were small, pitifully half-hearted.

“Look,” whispered the boy meekly. “I could make you a new tail. Nothing that would replace what you had, of course…but something is better than nothing. I happen to be a skilled metalsmith, and, I promise: it will be the best work I’ve ever made. Because I’ll make it specifically for you.”

The Panther was too drained of energy to reason whether she should trust the boy or not. Instead, the warmth of good intentions emanated from him relaxed her suspicions, and the skill displayed by the sculptures littered about the tent reassured her as a testament to his dedication. Besides, he had tended to her well enough while she was asleep, bandaged the stump where her tail had been. What threat did a clawless, fangless, furless little beast pose while she was awake? 

Confident in her power when matched up against her host, even in her anemic state, the Panther consented to a test run for whatever machination he had in mind. The metalsmith’s excitement was palpable, for his talents had never actually been used for something practical before. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! Give me two weeks, and I’ll have the perfect new tail for you. I promise, you will not regret it.” 

For two weeks, the Panther was tended to as an esteemed and valued guest by the metalsmith. He would work on her tail in the misty hours of the morning, hammering and molding solid gold into rings, then linking them together with complicated gears and wires. In the afternoon, he would go out hunting, returning with some wild fowl just as the sun began to set. And, at night, he would sleep outside under the stars, allowing the Panther free reign of his own personal territory inside the tent. The metalsmith was also persistently friendly with her, carrying on pleasant conversation through just about any subject they could think of. If she wanted to talk about it, he had something to contribute, and she almost made a game out of finding some topic that might eventually leave him speechless. 

Eventually, she did. The night before the makeshift tail was to be completed, as they were watching the stars together, the Panther asked the metalsmith why he only made statues for the longest time. Pretty things, she admitted, having grown fond of staring at their intricate shiny coats all day, but still quite useless in the grand scheme of the forest. Silence was never the boy’s first response, so she almost wondered if he had wandered off somewhere when no answer came.

But he was deep in thought, having never really explored that part of his motivation before. 

“You know how,” he explained, “you were once so very good at hunting? But you would only hunt for what you knew you could catch, and what you knew you would eat? And that you never had to guess why or how you knew you would catch and eat, but you knew by the fact you could that it was worth the pursuit? It’s kind of like that.” 

The Panther didn’t quite understand, but what she did notice was a somber tone had overtaken his demeanor, a shade she had not seen before. She wanted to know, get more out of him – but she felt she should not. That was his territory, and the least she could do was leave that part of the encampment to him. But the most she could do was gently tug his shirt with her teeth, not tearing it, and offer him a place back inside his tent for the first time in weeks. So she did. And the sleep she had that night, curled up next to the metalsmith’s side, was the night the phantom pain of her tail finally evaporated into a vague memory.

The next morning the Panther awoke to see the metalsmith sitting next to her. Bright-eyed, smiling, almost glowing with confident radiance, legs crisscrossed at the base of her resting place. And there, in front of his folded knees, lay the new tail in all its splendor. 

The tail was a work of mechanical genius. Several golden rings, inlayed with crushed Amethyst, Sapphire, and Onyx to harden the exterior and give it a blackened sheen. Within each ring was a complex array of gears and regulators, harnessed to piano-thick wires that ran through each interior. These wires and wheels kept the golden rings bound together as they swayed back and forth, up and down, all around,  with every bit the fluid movement of a Panther’s tail mimicked as was the style.  

The Panther would have been skeptical to accept something so quickly, but she had grown to appreciate the metalsmith’s art. To wear one of his original pieces excited her in a way she had never felt before. She first considered it might just be the highs of receiving special attention and gifts from someone she had grown to care about. What she would discover, much much later, was that this was her first experience as being considered an individual, and not part of a larger whole – even by herself. 

Panthers exist within the pack; outside the pack, panthers do not exist. This is how the species has stockpiled infamy, branding themselves as predators not to be trifled with. And now, for the first time, a panther considered itself the Panther, distinguished among its kind by her enviable replacement tail. 

The Panther, therefore, felt an explicit need to show off her tail to the rest of her pack. To reassure them that she was still alive and capable of hunting, of course. But also to make the most out of her good fortune and generous friend by showing them both off. The metalsmith was not keen to the idea of waltzing into a den of panthers, but he wished to monitor his friend closely. If he observed any pain or discomfort where the concealed harness held his masterwork in place, he would want to adjust it immediately lest her wound break open again. 

The panthers’ den was carved into the side of a mountain, home to abandoned ruins built by some human Hatugan tribe long forgotten. No one quite knew why the ruins were abandoned, or who built them in the first place, but the panthers deemed this a worthy spot and chased out all other signs of life within a five-mile radius. The silence was eerie to the metalsmith as they entered that territory. To the Panther, she felt the relief of returning home. 

The interior of the cave was several stories tall and deep, with countless ledges (due to the dark) staggered about the cave walls. The glittering reflection of a thousand eyes alerted the Panther that her entire pack was home. The glittering shine of the Panther’s tail alerted her pack that something was amiss. And then they saw their sister’s companion, and they were up in arms. 

The Panther had to strike five of her sisters across the snout before they would stop lunging at the metalsmith with salivating maws. She explained to them why she had gone missing, which they seemed not to have taken notice of. She told them the story of how she came to lose her tail, which they didn’t much care about. And then she told them of what this metalsmith came to do for her. That piqued their attention, for they had noticed the beauty of the twitching artificial tail reflecting moonlight on the stalagmites behind her. They demanded to know this bold architect, the one who dared believe he could replicate the sacred image of a Panther’s tail.  

Truth be told, to a cat, the jeweled tail was absolutely mesmerizing. And it was no secret from her body language that the Panther took pride in the gift – not merely because of its value as a priceless work of art, but also because of the caring feelings behind the person who gave it to her. He had made her stand out as an individual, with this gift making her unique against the standard black coats of the panthers around her, and by his very devotion to tending to her at her worst. 

All the panthers smiled, licking their sister as a sign of welcome and comfort for her loss. They even licked the metalsmith as thanks for taking care of one of their own. But each and every one of those wildcats harbored in their heart a secret – that they coveted what their sister had brought home. Not the tail, not the man, but the happiness that these things seemed to afford her. Needing more time to sort through this new rising feeling of jealousy, the pack invited the metalsmith to spend the night in their den and share their latest catch of Wildebeest. They celebrated with warm milk harvested from dolphins living in the caverns underground, not rejoicing for the return of the wayward panther, but as a routine booster injected into the morale and connection of the pack. But the seeds had been planted; the metalsmith enjoyed the festivities, his good Samaritanship a badge of honor. The panthers watched him closely, fake Cheshire grins reassuring him, seething and plotting all the while to themselves. 

The first casualty came that very morning, before the sun had even stretched its fingers beyond the cover of the horizon. A larger panther, one of the oldest hunters in the pack and the least satisfied with her place in society, was found dead behind a tree. It was evident she had tried to gnaw her tail off, for, rather than bleed to death from the self-inflicted wound, she had choked to death when the tail got lodged in her throat. 

This tragic accident caused a rumble throughout the pack. Not because the death impacted them emotionally, or the sight of a dead sister spurned them, no. It was because they realized that they were now all after the same thing: to be as content and happy as the prodigal Panther.  

Their hair bristling as they passed each other, eyes locked and teeth bared, the panthers spread out through the forest, each finding a secluded spot to begin the delicate removal of their organic tails in favor of artificial ones. Surely, such a sparkly treasure was the secret to their sister’s happiness?  

When the Panther stretched herself awake and yawned in the heat of the afternoon, she noticed that the metalsmith was no longer sleeping next to her. A far-off clanking caught her ears, the sound of metal on metal, that warmed her heart and bid her to come. She trotted off deeper into the cave, searching for her talented artisan. 

The rest of the pack, careful not to disturb their sister with that coveted golden tail, softly kneaded their paws on the pack of the metalsmith until his eyes fluttered open. How surprised he was, to see an entire line of panthers with nubs for tails, bleeding and begging for a tail like she who still slept so soundly. 

Quite the bleeding heart, the metalsmith gathered his tools and followed the pack into the back of the den. After spending hours quickly dressing their wounds, he proceeded to craft them makeshift tails with the abundant gold they brought him from deeper in the caverns. But each tail he made didn’t quite look right, or move in a realistic way, for he had not the two weeks to craft the mechanical parts necessary for a true work of art. What he was making were simple counterbalances – still pretty to look at and moderately functional, but nothing compared to his friend’s specially crafted tail. 

At first, the metalsmith tried desperately to hold on to that good feeling of being useful, and the panthers tried their best to be grateful with what they received. But as the pain in their backsides mounted, and the tails got sloppier and sloppier as the metalsmith’s hands tired from unrewarded charity, and the happiness they saw in their sister remain unreflected in themselves, the more they hated this metalsmith for their tailless state. Finally, one of the younger ones refused what was being offered. 

“Make me a tail like your first, please,” she spat back in his face, keeping her stump away until she received what she believed she truly deserved. 

“That would take two weeks!” spluttered the metalsmith. 

“I can wait,” came her reply. Same was the reply from the next panther, and the next, and the next, until a hundred panthers were reasonable enough to each wait two weeks for their own amazingly wonderful joy-granting tails.  Two weeks for them…years for him.

The whines were deafening. The metalsmith covered his ears, looking panicked all around him, daunted by the task of pushing what he loved too far to extremes for panthers he barely knew. The first tail was made with the love of a bent-up passion, and the joy at being useful to one in dire need. But now he was being used as a tool by a society of ravenous predators, who took no chances in being satisfied. And so the first meek thought in his generous, charitable heart muttered the unavoidable truth: 

“I can’t.”

The Panther trotted to the edge of the open space just in time to see her sisters descending from the walls, swarming all around her beloved metalsmith, before he was enveloped by the pitch-black eye of that storm of fur. There was a surprised inhalation from the center, which echoed for a while over the sound of tearing and chewing, before it faded away under the chaotic soft padding of paws. When the panthers peeled off, each to their private nook, all that remained of the metalsmith was a pile of bones – stripped clean, nothing to distinguish them from the stones strewn about the cave, save their distinctive shape and the deep cuts of tooth and claw. 

The Panther sat, her tail lying still in the dust. She bent her head down over the bones at her feet, sniffing them, trying to pick up the faintest scent left behind by the craftsman…Nothing. There was truly not one trace left of him.  

There was a sorrowful rip of fabric, a clank, and the sound of only one pair of padded paws stumbling clumsily out of the cave. In her departure, the Panther left behind the golden, jewel-encrusted tail and its harness, the last remain of the man who had saved her life – abandoned, discarded among the bones of its creator. It was by no fault of her own that he was now gone, for what can one panther do against the whole of her society? Nothing, for its work is done in the shadows, and the consequences arrive and depart like the death of will.

The rest of the pack hardly noticed the Panther leave; their eyes were captured by the makeshift tail she left behind. Those eyes gradually became aware of the other eyes around them, hungry and isolating, Only a few minutes of bated breath passed before the pack swarmed again, this time at each other, snapping and batting their ears and whiskers, blood flying, competing for the right to possess that unnatural prosthetic. 

Eventually, the pack came to a very reasonable compromise. Instead of any singular panther donning the tail permanently, they studied its intricate contraptions until each was able to replicate it for themselves. None was as well-crafted as their model, for no cat had the passion, the skill, or the opposable thumbs to rival that original inventor. Instead, each panther compared their tail to the tails of their neighbor, and found those surrounding them severely wanting. And where one believes they are surrounded by uninspired beggars, one tends to grow suspicious, and close off from the rest of society. 

And so the pack, each member safeguarding the posterity of her own posterior, dispersed – each panther sought out her own way, alone, guarding her back against the jealous, coveting paws of her own kind. Having given up seizing the happiness they had seen in the Panther by deciding that it was a façade and did not actually exist, the panthers found solace in security. Their existence became wrapped up in keeping what they already possessed, so long as what they possessed looked better than what they thought others possessed. The tail spoke for the panther, despite not being part of the panther in the first place. 

A panther was still quite capable of hunting on its own, but these were now less-than panthers. They may have replicated the tail successfully, but no one knew how to maintain its synchronicity with an organic body. Metals rusted, surgical connections newly pioneered beyond the original’s designs harbored infections, and every single panther was weighed down by the heavy burden until their joints ached and their bodies bloated and slugged. Slowly but surely, health slipping away as easily as the prey they starved over, the panther population died out. Even in their dying throes, they clung tightly to the tail they thought enhanced their being with the hope that they might one day find joy delivered unto them. But that joy never came, and the only day they ever found was their final. 

As for the Panther, after she threw off her tail, she never quite regained her poise. She could barely hunt, for she was no longer limber, and the jungle grew to adapt in ways that left her hunting methods in the dust. And yet she persevered, spurred on by a need to survive and the pride, not in her tail, but in the individuality born through her tragic experiences. She began to craft weapons, pounce from the undergrowth and water instead of from the canopy, and lay traps and ambushes that better served her diminished speed and agility. She may not have had a tail, or a pack, but she had herself. And she worked hard every day to make sure that would be enough. 

Some Hatugans believe that she began to walk upright to counteract her balance, forage and seek softer foods due to the difficulty of relying on meat every day, and evolve her thumbs into the opposable kind to craft better tools. Some say that these human tendencies overtook her whole form, until you could only tell she was once a Panther by the pointed ears folded away under her jet-black hair. And I would tell you, this theory is highly unlikely. 

Yet… I believe it. For the Panther was still a Have-Not. True, she no longer needed a pack, but she did need a friend like the one she once had. Indeed, we Hatugans believe she would naturally do whatever was necessary to be among those who were like the metalsmith – the one friend who helped her in her time of need, helping her build enough strength to define herself. And no amount of gold, no quality of tail, no solidarity with society, can replace that kind of bond.  She refused to settle for substitutions, ever again. 


The World According to a Mole


The forest of Hatuga is beautiful. All of its terrors, all of its awe, all of its filthy ponds and its pristine lakes mesh together to create something that is naturally imperfect. And, by flourishing in its imperfections, makes it all the more wondrous to explore and behold. For what is beautiful that can be understood by a single glance?

Alas, the mole did not find Hatuga beautiful. He found Hatuga to be downright revolting, absolutely abysmal – a distressing place where one could only be worried sick over its pitfalls and harbor disgust for its predators than appreciate its provisions.

“Woe is me,” bemoaned the mole melodramatically, “to have been born in a time and place that is teeming to the brim with the most unsavory beasts!” He stressed the word “beasts” so that any animals nearby might feel the shame that ought to come naturally to them. The mole was blind, after all; most of his suppositions were just that, since he couldn’t very well observe empirically. Being both blind and under the ground tends to prevent one from making rational judgments, but his sturdy tunnels would cave in before the mole ceased his belligerent pointing of fingers in every which-way and off-angle.

The mole had never been above ground before. He could hear the noisy comings and goings, the loud calls of the other animals that never seemed to cease, and their stomping about that caused dirt to chink away from his preciously crafted ceilings. Indeed, mole built his tunnels so that he would never have to go above ground, lest he go blinder than he already was from the hideosity above.

There were other Hatugans dwelling underground who tried their best to convince the mole of the benefits of going topside.

“For one,” reasoned Bilby, “the sun is sooooo warm. I don’t how you do it, staying down here where it’s cold and damp and dark all the time. Gives me a jolt of energy every time I feel those rays shine down my face, all the way to my tail, it’s just-“

“Miserable,” countered the mole. “Underground, there are no schedules. I do what I want, when I want, and time means nothing to me. Plus, I’ve heard how hot it really gets up there, and I do not plan on frying like an egg on a boulder! I do not!”

“Then how about this,” posed Mongoose. “Up there, you can meet all sorts of interesting individuals. I know you think you know what they’re like, hearing their muffled voices from down here, but you really have to go see them face-to-face before judging them like you do! It’s unfair, and, honestly, you’re doing yourself a disservice not getting to know Hatugans that have experienced more than just the underground.”

“Are you implying,” chastised the mole, “that my knowledge is somehow limited by living down here? I do not need to know what other Hatugans are like, for only crude, selfish, ugly beasts could pound the ground as they do, causing all sorts of damage to my beautiful tunnels.”

“You keep calling them ugly,” murmured Vole, “but have you looked at yourself in the watering hole lately?”

The mole lost all patience with his impudent neighbors and shooed them out.

Being blind meant that the mole derived a heightened comfort in perfecting the structure of his prized tunnels. Day in and day out he dug, sculpting his underground patterns that would never see the light of day and therefore would never be seen by anyone. What he was not aware of is where precisely he had built them. For, to him, underground was everywhere except above, which means that he would not know whose territory he had tunneled beneath until it was too late. Luckily, most Hatugans are forgiving, and would not mind a burrow or two beneath their feet if said burrows were sturdy and would not cave in at the slightest step. Elements, however, do not always subscribe to the Hatugan way.

The mole had spent decades burrowing all around beneath the surface level of Hatuga; it was not his custom to dive very deep. And, eventually, he ran out of room. Where one might normally take a few steps back, reassess their limits, and adjust, the headstrong mole plowed straight ahead. Alas, one cannot plow through a lake, a lesson that mole learned after the water had washed him away, destroyed the tunnels, nearly drowned him, and deposited his pseudo-lifeless body in the midst of a large gathering of animals. The entire lake had drained itself into the mole’s tunnels, and the remorseful architect was sloshed this way and that until finally he came to rest for all to see.

“Is that the little idiot who caused this mess?” roared a lion.

“Come now, give the poor thing some space. Even you must admit, it’s impressive such a small hideous creature could dry up the lake like that,” tsk-tsked a Boar. “And the water is now flowing through the whole forest, no longer still. I’d say he did us a favor.”

“Favor?” laughed a Pelican. “That hole, formerly a lake, kept everything where it should be! And you think this chaos is now somehow a convenience? You are absolutely-“

“Please!” shouted an Iguana. “Give the ugly little beast some space or it will suffocate!”

The mole had come to at the very beginning of this conversation. What it had gleaned was that these beasts did not think much differently than himself. Worse yet, some had even forgiven his displacement of their water supply. Getting past their own anger, he had clearly misjudged them as the crowd of twenty or so Hatugans crowded around the mole, concerned for his life.

Worse than his humiliation at having drained their lake, worse still than having judged them so harshly without knowing them, far worser yet: they had called the mole an ugly little beast.

Hatuga, you see, had never been graced by the mole topside before. This was his first appearance up there, therefore it was their first time seeing a mole before. I ask you, then, please, do not judge them too harshly for having stated their first impressions in the heat of high emotions. But what this accomplished was to finally convince the mole to be introspective. To look at himself for once in his life – both inside and out.

And so the mole, realizing he was only blind because of the dirt in his eyes that had now been washed away, flipped over on his heavy claws and spat water onto the boulder he had been laid on to dry out. And, in that reflection, he got his first good look at himself.

What stared back sent shivers down his spine. A disease-ridden shaggy beast with a squealing jagged mouth, no eyes to speak of, and a disgusting multi-armed appendage at the end of his snout that wriggled and writhed about. Squealing in abhorred shock at his own reflection, the mole dove right back into the canals he created, swimming to the bottom in one breath. He buried himself deeper than he ever had buried before into the ground, forever fleeing, clawing ever forward to escape that beastly sight.

And I do mean forever, for the mole was never spotted in Hatuga again. Maybe one day he will come to terms with his actions, his feelings, himself, and join Hatugan society ready to receive both the benefits and consequences that come with it. But, until that day, the world according to a mole ought to be one without him in it.


A Cow By Any Other Name


In the forest of Hatuga, each is called to their own lot. The lot of a Tree Frog is not the lot of the Whale, and the Whale likewise can never hope to take on the burden belonging to the Spider. Each has a role, each has a purpose, each has a thing it does for which the forest itself is grateful. For Hatuga revolves on the axis of deeds. What can be done if nothing is actually done? Nothing at all. Nothing for all.

In Hatuga, there lived two types of cows. The first was a land cow. She was heavily built, rather slow, confined to wherever her sure-hooved legs would carry her. They would not carry her very far, for she had no reason to go very far anyways. But they were strong, and much was entrusted to her because she could handle it.

The second cow was a sea cow. Specifically, a Dugong, who was a free-swimmer and prided herself on no attachments for whom she would need to actually take stock in pride. No, pride meant nothing to her, for lazing about all day and eating as much seagrass as she desired was all that mattered, and the number of tricks she could pull underwater. The better the trick, the better the thrill, and the Dugong was simply pleased in that regard.

The Dugong heard about this so-called land cow which lived much further inland, plodding about with its embarrassing udders and slaving away for the good of its community. It chortled and jeered at the idea of this helpless creature leading such a masochistic life, and made up songs that would shame the poor beast should it ever wander into the ocean where she had all the fun she could handle with nary a care.

When word of this sea-cow and its mean little songs reached the ears of the land cow, she swished her tail a few times irritably and then forgot about it. For what use was this musical lard in the sea foam to one with responsibilities? Her deeds spoke against the lies the Dugong made up about her, and the land cow was comforted by those who relied on her as they spurned the spiteful ditty and soon all word of this sea-cow was forgotten.

Decades passed, and both the land cow and the sea cow died. For some stories are unceremonious, two disputes clashing on the voice of the breeze, only to fade away shortly thereafter. Indeed, most stories are like this – and for that they are rarely told.

When the land cow passed away, she was buried with revered circumstance. Many had benefited from her milk, her sure hoof, her motherly lowing. And so the loss heavily impacted her community. But not in the way of misery, no, for they celebrated her life and how she touched them all. She was loved, and everyone knew it.

When the sea cow perished, her bloated body floated to the surface for a week before built-up gas escaped from the carcass and she sunk beneath the waves. No one would remember her, her tricks, or her song. Heck, no one would even know she died, save the scavengers who came to feed before even they snubbed their noses at her putrid blubber. For the Dugong lived for no one and nothing for her own pleasure, and pleasure is not the sort of thing that lives longer than the present moment. One might even say, having left no impact on Hatuga, that the Dugong hardly existed at all.


Partnershipping with Parasites


If you have ever visited the forest of Hatuga, you know what a miraculous place it is – a place where the bird speaks lyric and the human twitters in the trees, a place where waterfalls flow upstream and apes lend books to man and beast alike. There is an order to the forest to the tune of mutual existence; the beings that live here rely on each other. They do so, not with the animalistic instinct calling them to be herds or flocks, but with complete conscious compliance with their own need for community, for fellowship. However, just because a relationship between beasts might be necessary, does not always make it a good match. There are some relationships that clearly favor one side over the other. This usually happens because one side would rather allow itself to be taken advantage of, than be deprived of the company.

In the heat of the jungle near the bank of the Euphrates shuffled about a complacent Capybara. Now, our Capybara was not complacent when it came to her meals, no; only the finest juiciest melons for this rodent. Nor was she complacent when it came to her resting spots, no; sleep came to her only in patches of grass from which sprouted a certain balance of coolness and warmth. In all of these, the Capybara was extremely selective, never settling.

Our Capybara was only complacent by vice of the friend she kept. That so-called “friend” was Buffalo Leech, an enormous worm who remained joined to Capybara’s hip through thick and thin. Quite literally, whether its host liked it or not.

She tended to like it.

“How am I so lucky,” the Capybara gushed to the Leech, “to have a friend as loyal as you?”

“Stop your squirming already,” muttered the Leech with its mouth full of hip, “or you’ll make me lose my grip. What good would that do either of us?”

For the Capybara, this Buffalo Leech constantly showered her with attention and words of encouragement. She did consider it her Leech, since the worm never seemed to take stock in anyone else. But by drinking her blood, it seemed to know exactly what he was feeling.

“You need to chill out, and don’t have such high expectations,” the Leech would say, when its rodent would start to stress over the mess in her territory or the flavor of her water. “It’s not like you can do much about it, anyway. But you can make your blood taste better by relaxing, so why don’t you do that for me, huh?”

The Capybara never felt alone with the Leech, and was grateful to her companion for its good advice and constructive critique.

Such as, when she was feeling sad for no reason:

“There’s no need to feel depressed. It’s all in your head! Depression is just the disappointment you feel when you wake up and remember that all you are is just a really big rat.”

Or, when she couldn’t quite nail the steps for a new dance she was practicing:

“Oh, wow, you’re doing great. It’s never too late to learn a groovy dance. So it won’t really hurt if you put it off, try it again tomorrow or something, right? Spend some time with me instead…I’m feeling pretty hungry.”

Or, if she had eaten one too many melons for lunch:

“Whoa, there, large Marge. Let’s not get too excited and eat the whole forest, m’kay? What will folks think if they see me hanging around a fat rat who has no self-control? They’ll think I have no self control, either.”

All the while, never ceasing its perpetual slurp.

One morning, however, the Capybara felt…off. She felt like something was weighing her down, breaking her back, sinking her steps. And there was! The Buffalo Leech had grown more than a foot long, weighing thirty pounds full of its host’s blood. The Capybara could live with that, for she was still physically solid on the outside. But on the inside, the Leech’s words had worn her down.

“Man, aren’t you a late riser,” yawned the Leech. “Not like you’ve got anyone waiting for you, or any big plans, though…so I guess it’s all right. Why don’t you hang with me again today?”

The Capybara nodded, used to the routine. But, as the Leech was taking its morning swim in the murky river, she suddenly had an enlightening thought: to run away, and leave the Leech on its own! How foolish it would feel, to look around, and not see its friend anywhere in sight? That would teach the squirmy wormy to weigh me down, thought the Capybara. Worse, teach it to enjoy weighing me down, if it insists on treating me like a pack mule.

The Capybara rose to her feet to follow through with the threats running across her brain. She turned, poised to run…and buckled. Before her was the vast expanse of Hatuga, the steamy jungle that promised only the uncomfortable humidity of loneliness in its tangled brush.

The Capybara felt absolutely awful. She was the worst! How could she ever treat a true friend like that?

“Well, are you going?”

Her heart skipped a beat as he whirled back to the river. Did the Leech bear witness to her traitorous turn? Was she about to get chastised, or, worse, lose a friend?

“Hoo-wee! Aren’t you the jumpy kind? I like that, means we got something in common!”

The Capybara felt something infinitesimally small leap across her ribs, up her back, around her neck, and DINK! Right on the end of her nose!

“You and I will get along just fine,” said a good-natured Flea. “I LOoOoOVE to jump! Don’t stop on account of me, new bounce-buddy! Lessgo!”

So, off they went. It was relief to the Capybara, knowing she could leave the Leech behind, yet still have a friend whispering encouragement in her ear. And what a stark difference in language between the Leech and the Flea! The Flea was full of pep, full of optimism, always wanting to hop along and do the next fun thing. He constantly prodded the Capybara along, never allowing her to stop for a moment, to rest and get mired in worries over what Buffalo Leech was up to.

After a short while, though, Capybara began to realize that the Flea was full of more energy than she had the energy to dream she could have. But she pretended like she wasn’t worn down, sluggish, unable to scratch that persistent itch that demanded she get up and follow the Flea anywhere he wanted. For, at the end of the day, the Capybara would sacrifice her comfort to ensure she at least had one animal there right beside her against the wilds of Hatuga.

It was the Flea’s patience that snapped first.

“Hey, what gives?” barked the Flea. “I thought you were this fun girl who liked to do fun things, not some sad sack of a sorry squirrel! I think I’ll have to hop along and find some friends who can keep up with my company. Call me again when you decide to pull your sticks out of the mud, m’kay?”

And, with one last jeer, the Flea abandoned friendship in the lifeboat of a passing wallaby.

“Oh, no…” moaned Capybara, already feeling the daunting emptiness well up inside her. “What am I going to do without Buffalo Leech or the Flea? I’ll have no one to talk to, no one who relies on me. I’m all alone!”

“I can help you out,” replied a slinky voice in the mud beneath her feet. Tapeworm rose up on its paper-thin body until it was eye-level with Capybara. “But I don’t trust just anyone. I’m very vulnerable, you see, and I need to make sure a friend of mine has a strong constitution.”

That sounded reasonable to the Capybara. The rest of her afternoon was shared with a swapping of secrets, trying to find the next story that they could both relate to. By the time the moon shone through Tapeworm’s translucent body, both had decided that they could trust each other completely as friends. Capybara was content, and they curled up together in a perfectly chosen patch of grass to commemorate the new companionship.

When morning came, Tapeworm was nowhere to be found. Capybara searched and searched, but it was like Tapeworm had vanished into some dark recess somewhere it could never be found. All Capybara had left was a sinking pit in the depths of her stomach, as if the potential of this new friend had created an abscess in its absence that ate away at her last sliver of strength. Capybara was certain that she and Tapeworm were compatible. After all, they had shared so much together in just one night! Why would it just up and disappear like that? There was nothing Capybara could do, now, except wallow in pain and loneliness, wishing on a star that Buffalo Leech would find its way back to her.

A carefree twitter floated down in response to her sobs. Starling landed on her back with the lightest skip, hardly noticed at all until he came to perch near Capybara’s ear.

“No need to squeak around all sorrowful-like, buddy. Tell me what ails ya, and lemme see if I can’t do something about it.”

After listening to her sob-story, Starling had nothing but the realest of sympathies.

“That’s what happens when you surround yourself with parasites. A bunch of little creepy crawlies whose only purpose in life is to suck the energy out of yours. But don’t you worry, naw-ah! Starling’ll keep you company for a little bit. But then, buddy, you gotta learn how to live on your own. Think ya can handle that?”

Capybara sniffled and felt like protesting, but deep down she knew that whatever protests came out were just leftover manipulations from Buffalo Leech, the Flea, and Tapeworm. Starling sang agreeably as she nodded, and she felt his song lift a little the burden of her heart.

Over the next week, Capybara slowly but surely recovered the life sucked from her by those nasty parasites. First the blood drawn by Buffalo Leech returned to her, then the itching to move prompted by Flea vanished, and finally the deep feeling of longing caused by Tapeworm passed through her. Starling was a pleasant and well-rounded conversationalist, never dominating, and always interested in hearing about Capybara’s current state of thinking or feeling. He was, for a season, a good friend.

But he was not hers, having a family to provide for, and she was okay with that. When they parted on good terms, Capybara felt refreshed, confident she could now stand on her own four legs. She still was worried about being alone, but that was natural – Friends made or lost, they were not made forever. Neither were they made to be exclusively hers. But at least she now knew that any friend who felt like a bloodsucking parasite was no friend of hers. She would feel no remorse in cutting it off, even if it meant her search would continue.

Such a selective Capybara has never looked healthier.